Page 96 of What if It's Us

“That’s…ours?” The words come out of my mouth but I don’t hear them. And I don’t realize I’m crying until Ledger’s thumbs swipe across my cheeks.

“All ours, Mar. Look how…beautiful it is.” He squeezes my hand and I turn my head to face him only to find his chin quivering and his eyes glistening.

“It’s real now. You okay?” I realize this isn’t exactly what he signed up for initially, but it’s where we are now. I’ve been wanting to be a mom forever but Ledger? This was all sort of thrust up on him much more recently.

“Yeah,” he breathes, his eyes filled with amazement. “Realer than anything I’ve ever felt.”

Wendy continues moving the wand, pointing things out as she goes—head, limb buds, spine—but all I can focus on is the tiny pulsing rhythm of life and the way Ledger’s thumb keeps stroking the back of my hand like he can’t stop.

Which is fine because I don’t want him to.

Feeling him here with me helps me remember I’m not alone.

Ledger has been by my side every step of the way so far. Making sure I’m eating and drinking. Bringing me goldfish crackers every day because he knows they help my nausea,holding my hair back when morning sickness gets the best of me. I couldn’t be more grateful for him.

Leaning forward to get a better look at the small computer screen, Ledger whispers softly and tenderly, “You’ve got no idea what you’re getting into, kid. But I promise, we’re gonna love the hell outta you.”

Just hearing him say those words to our baby…to the life we created together, brings more tears to my eyes as my heart grows three more sizes. I let the tears flow shamelessly though because in this moment, watching Ledger react to what we’ve seen and listening to him talk to our baby, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with this man.

“I mean,it really looked like a peanut,” Ledger says with a mouthful of pancake. He was happy to oblige when we walked out of the ultrasound and I suddenly had a craving for pancakes. “A strong little peanut. With a heartbeat.”

“A legume with tons of potential,” I add with a grin.

I dump three creamers into my coffee and stir like it’s therapy. Across from me, Ledger’s plate is stacked with a heroic tower of pancakes—blueberry, whipped cream, extra butter, and what appears to be half a bottle of syrup.

“You know, it kind of looks like you’re stress-eating like you just lost The Cup.”

He smirks and shakes his head. “Nope. This, Marlee, is victory eating.” He chews the rest of his bite and swallows it down with a swig of milk. “There’s a heartbeat. A tiny, flickering heartbeat. That we made. On purpose.”

He’s smiling, but his eyes are wide. Like, terrified puppy wide.

“You’re still cool with this being real, right?”

Peering over his pancakes, he hesitates. It’s a tiny trace of hesitation but I see it. Then he nods.“I’m in. Like...all in.Even if it turns out that peanut has your nose and my stubborn streak.”

“God help us all,” I giggle.

Ledger takes a massive bite of pancake, then talks around it. “So, do we start buying stuff now? Like, tiny socks? A crib? A minivan?

“You mean a minivan for the triplets you keep dreaming up in your head?” I tease. “Yeah we better get something more like a nine-passenger.”

“Whoa!” He laughs. “Now let’s not go that far. I know my swimmers would do the job but they’re not on steroids or anything. God help that beautiful little stomach of yours had that been the case.”

“Right? I’d be on bedrest before we knew it. Good thing there was only one in there.”

It feels good to joke around with Ledger. I know this is a lot, especially with him starting the hockey season at the same time. He has a lot going on and I wouldn’t blame him if he feels a bit overwhelmed.

My smile softens as I watch him stab another syrup-drenched bite. He’s without a doubt one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met.

“You’re gonna be a good dad, you know.”

He freezes mid-chew, swallows hard, and clears his throat. “You think so?”

“You don’t?” I ask cocking my head, narrowing in on his insecurity.

Is this why he hesitated earlier?

Ledger shrugs his shoulder as he pushes another bite around his plate. “I don’t know, but I’m going to try my absolute best.” He pops the bite into his mouth and raises his gaze to meet mine,the green in his eyes prominent today. “I promise you I’ll give you and our child everything I possibly can.”

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