Page 51 of Darkwater Lane

“At that point, you just have to hope you’ve given them the tools they need to survive.”

“Have you?”

Not enough, I think to myself. It will never feel like enough. But that’s the problem. I have to let them go, even if I’m not ready to. “I’ve taughtthem how to survive. I’ve drilled situational awareness and self-defense until it’s become second nature. I’m not so sure I’ve taught them how to actually live. How to be happy. I see my kids isolating themselves, not making friends, and I worry that I’ve spent so much time on keeping them alive that I haven’t taken the time to show them why.”

It’s a hard thing to admit, but it’s the truth.

She studies me. I keep my focus on the lake, watching as the water turns darker, reflecting back the last dregs of sunlight. I wonder at all the ways it can feel like you’ve failed your children, all the ways in which you love them more than life itself and you do anything and everything in your power for them, and yet sometimes that’s not enough.

You can’t make the world love them like you do. You can’t make the world want them the way you do. You can’t make the world appreciate them and understand them. It hurts to know that the world won’t always be kind to them. There will be days they’ll cry, and you won’t be there to hold them. Worse, they wouldn’t want you there anyway.

I want so much for my kids. I hate that I can’t give it to them.

But I can’t say any of this to Kez. Not when she’s at the beginning of her motherhood journey.

“You’re a good mom, Gwen.” She reaches out and takes my hand.

My throat tightens. I don’t trust myself to speak. She lets her words sit for a moment.

“And your kids are amazing. They’re thoughtful and loving. Connor noticed the paint chips I taped to the wall in what’s supposed to be the nursery and, without even asking, he got to work prepping the walls. Lanny drove him to town to get supplies, and the nursery was painted by the time I got home from work. They even sealed off the room and opened the windows to air it out so I wouldn’t worry about fumes.”

She squeezes my hand. “That’s because of you, Gwen. Because of how you raised them.”

My lips twitch in a smile. Neither Lanny nor Connor had mentioned doing that during any of our calls. Hearing about their thoughtfulness makes me proud.

“I just wish life was easier for them,” I admit.

Kez snorts. “Life isn’t easy. Anyone who tells you different is lying, selling something, or trying to get followers online.”

I look over at my friend. She understands what my family has been through—the havoc Melvin Royal and his legacy have wreaked. She almost lost her life because of it. She refused to let me face Jonathan Watson on my own, which resulted in her being kidnapped by the psychopath and held hostage at the top of a lighthouse. He threatened to kill her and her unborn baby more than once, and she stayed strong through it all. She’s the reason I survived that encounter. Had she not told me to jump from the metal stairs I’d been climbing, I would have been electrocuted.

“So, how does it feel to be back in Stillhouse Lake?”

I take a moment to ponder the question. I look up at the dark sky, feeling the fresh cold air on my cheeks as I gaze at the stars. I forgot how quiet the world could be. With that silence comes a sense of peace.

There’s a rightness to being here that I feel in my bones.

“I know there are a lot of dark memories attached to this place, but whenever I’m here, I think of all those nights I sat here and stared out at the lake, imagining a future for me and the kids. It was here that I found the courage to want more out of life. Being back here reminds me of the promises I made to myself back then. That we would find a way forward.

“This is where my journey really began, and I’ve always felt in my gut that this is where it would end. Stillhouse Lake is where I finally put Melvin Royal to rest for good.”

“Any idea how you’re going to make that happen?” Kez asks.

I laugh. “No clue whatsoever. But the motivation is strong.”

Kez smiles and lets out a long, contented sigh, her hand rubbing idle circles around her bump. “Well, selfishly, I’m glad you’re here. Not just for my sake, but for the baby’s.”

I’m touched by the comment. I really am. “You may regret saying that. Anywhere I go, trouble follows.”

“Nothing we can’t handle,” she says resolutely.

I just hope she’s right.

15

GWEN

For a while, life at Stillhouse Lake feels almost normal. Javi and Kez come to dinner again, this time bringing Kez’s father, Easy, with them. He regales us all with stories of his life, including a few incidents from Kez’s years as a teen that she probably wishes had stayed in the past.

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