Page 70 of Keeping Promises

After hugs, whispers, and dirty looks, everyone leaves, and it’s just us two alone in the apartment. It feels as though someone has sucked all the air out, and we are both struggling to breathe. I imagine this is what it feels like to be scuba diving with a limited air supply, so you don’t want to waste it by opening your mouth. But the silence is killing me, and I can’t take it anymore.

I would rather have her screams than her silence.

“Say something, please.”

She sighs and looks to the ground. “I don’t know what to say. It seems you don’t either. Then again, you didn’t seem to have anything to say last night either. Was that because you found someone else to occupy your time, someone better?”

I step forward, and she takes a step back.So we’re back to that again?

“No, that’s not how it went at all. When I ran into Zoe—or, well, she ran into me—she knocked my phone out of my hand to the floor and then accidentally stepped on it with her heel and fucked it up.” I pull the smashed phone from my pocket and show her.

“So why not have Ben or Cal text me to let me know what’s going on,” she spits.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think this was a big deal.” Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it at the time. Looking back now, yeah, I probably should have, especially since we had been midconversation when the accident happened.

Her eyes widen, and I can see the wheels in her head turning a mile a minute. “Whatever is playing out in your head is nowhere near the truth. I did the right thing; I stayed with her all night. If you would have seen how drunk she was, you would be happy I did that.”

She laughs sarcastically. “Happy? Happy you had someone in your lap? Happy that you shared a hotel room with someone who wasn’t me?”

“You don’t believe me? Call Zoe up right now and ask her. She’ll tell you.” Hopefully she remembers. “She fell into my lap because she was so drunk. I didn’t know Cal was taking a video.”

“So what? That’s supposed to make me feel better? If you had known there was a video, you would have what, acted differently? Moved out of the camera range?” Of course Cal had to record their drunken shenanigans right at that moment, and not the moment after that showed me helping her up off my lap.

“I asked only one thing of you. When we decided to do this together, you promised me that you would tell me if you didn’t want this or us. You were supposed to tell me beforehand. But here we are—you made a fool of me in front of my friends, in front of Zoe. Was keeping one promise that damn hard? That’s all I asked of you.” Her voice breaks, and all I want to do is pull her into my arms and comfort her.

Seriously, what world is she living in where I went back on my word?

“But I do want this. Do you hear what I’m saying at all?” Her gaze drops to the floor, and I can tell she’s put her walls back up, blocking me out completely. “It doesn’t matter what I say does, it? You’ve already made up your mind as to what happened. You don’t want to hear the truth, just the truth thatyouhave painted. Maybe if you had been there, you could have seen what happened with your own eyes and—”

“If I had been there?” she interrupts. “And what—get a front-row seat to your betrayal? No fucking thank you.” She pauses and places her hand on her chest while she catches her breath.Okay, things are getting out of hand so fast. We just need to take a step back and take a breather.“Actually, no, I do wish I had been there.”

Finally, she gets it—a glimmer of hope, yet her expression doesn’t seem all that hopeful. Her eyes are cold, and I don’t like the chill that rushes through my veins. “Then I could’ve done what I have to do right then and there without a second thought.”

“Do what, yell at me?” I take a step closer to her again, and this time she doesn’t escape me. We’re getting somewhere now. I just want to pull her into my arms and hold her and tell her I love her. It’s crazy that I told my brother before I told her. I want to kiss her and hug her and fuck all this bad dream away, to show her it’s only her.

“It’s not working,” she says just above a whisper. I must have heard her wrong.

“What isn’t? Us fighting? Yeah, I know. Why can’t we just push past it sincenothing happened.”

“No, us. This. You and me.” Hadley motions her hands back and forth between us. “I’ve thought about it, and it’s just all too much. I’m sorry.”

“Do you even hear yourself, Hadley? Like honest to God hear yourself? You’re crazy. Absolutely certifiable. You know that, right? None of this should matter because you should trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t do anything like that.”

She avoids my gaze. “Hadley.” I pause, and she still doesn’t look at me. “Hadley, you trust me, don’t you?” Her silence is devastating. When her blue eyes finally meet mine, they are filled with such sadness that I might as well drown in her tears.

“We all have a past—I can’t help who I was before you. But you’re never going to get past it, are you? You thinking that my behavior was all an act. Well, hate to break it to you, babe, but I’m starting to wonder the same thing. Was you trusting me an act? Because you could’ve fooled me. No matter what I say, you’re just going to see me as the same asshole I was before all this. I haven’t looked or touched another woman since the night I found out about the baby. Yep, even when we were just friends, I didn’t act on anything. It’s only been you. Don’t try to tell me that it’s not working because we’ve been happy. Up until last night, we’ve been happy. You’d rather hide behind your words than be honest with me.”

“I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do anymore.” I see her start to crack. When I go to reach for her, she follows my movement and takes a step back. Touching her might just be the icing on the cake, so I pull back. “I just need time to think, and I think we should spend some time apart.”

“You’re not going to keep me from my daughter,” I shout. My blood feels like it’s boiling at the moment and my head ready to explode. This went downhill so fast, all because I tried to do the right thing, and look how it fucking backfired. Everything is a fucking mess.

“No.” Her voice catches. “I would never do that.”

I scoff, throwing my head back. “Oh, that’s rich, given the fact you almost did. Don’t forget you have a past, too. The only difference is that I clearly can forgive you for your mistakes and move forward. But can you?”

“I think you should leave.”

“You know what? You’re right. I’d hate for anyone to say anything they regret.” Sarcasm drips from my lips. So much for Ben saying everything would be okay—he was wrong.

I spin and grab the duffle bag that I set down by the door.Fuck all the shit that I’ve left here lately.I’ve just placed my hand on the doorknob when Hadley calls my name.

I spin, hoping that this is her ready to apologize for realizing she’s overreacted here.

“Can I have my key back?” She can’t be serious? “We need time apart, and if you have a key, I don’t want you to feel like you can come over anytime and ambush me into being ready. I need to do what’s best for my daughter and me.” Her words cut deep as if I took a razor blade to my veins.My daughter, she said, notour daughter.

I need out of this apartment.

I snicker, shaking my head. I pull my keys from my pocket and twist the key around the ring. I slam it down on the table by the door before yanking the door open and fleeing. I’m pretty sure the entire floor felt the vibrations it caused when it closed.

I walk away without looking back, hoping that I didn’t just loose not only the woman I love who doesn’t even realize it but my daughter.

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