Page 16 of Nitro

“Fucking figures after he announced his intent to run for governor of the state. I was just hoping he wouldn’t actually move back. Is he going to the old ranch?” My belly clenches as I try to push away the sudden rush of horrific memories from that place.

“Looks like it.”

“Damn.” I set my beer aside because he was right. I don’t feel like drinking anything. It will be a miracle if I can keep my breakfast down. “When did you find out?”

“An hour ago. I told Scar as soon as I got my shit together enough to give him the details. Even though I knew this wascoming, I just can’t believe it. He’s going to be here, in this county.” Matrix’s face pales as he leans toward me. “I don’t know if I can deal with this shit.”

“Have you been … you know.” I nod toward his wrists.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve got to stop that shit. One of these days it won’t be a shallow cut. You could slice through a tendon or a muscle or something and lose your ability to type.” I go for the jugular because I know he’d rather die than lose his hands. Sure, there are other ways of communicating that don’t involve typing, but Matrix isn’t down for any of that.

“I know.” He closes his eyes with a sigh. The grief and suffering in his expression break my heart because I’ve seen that same look reflected at me in my bathroom mirror. I don’t mutilate myself like he does, but we all bear our pain in different ways. I don’t fault him for what he does, but I don’t want him to think I’m okay with it either.

“You need to talk to someone about what happened,” I suggest as gently as I can.

“Yeah, right. Tell me about all the shrinks you’ve been to and about how good that worked out.”

“I never went to a shrink.”

“Why not?” He challenges.

“Fuck, man. You know why I can’t talk about that stuff. None of us can.”

“Scar told Julia.” Matrix shakes his head in disapproval.

“She’s his woman. She had a right to know.”

“Did she?”

“If Scar felt it was important to tell her, then I can’t question his decision. I don’t care who talks as long as they only tell their story. If anyone opens their fucking mouth about what happened to me, brother or not, I’ll beat his ass.”

My voice raises enough to draw Daisy out of the kitchen. She glances at me before mouthing, “Are you okay?”

I nod. She hesitates for a second as her gaze slides to Matrix. He’s still hanging his head and doesn’t see the flicker of compassion in her eyes, which is probably for the best. We don’t do pity around here. What’s done is done.

“Here’s your food,” Daisy says. She hands the steaming plate to Matrix.

“Thank you.” When his gaze locks with hers, her pupils dilate. Interesting.

As soon as she leaves, I whisper, “Something going on with you two?”

“Nah. She’s cute, but too young for me.”

“You’re only a year older.” I laugh at his bullshit excuse.

“Not all years leave the same mark on a person.” The wisdom in his words isn’t lost on me. A single year can feel like ten if you’re trapped in hell. If we use that math, the guys in Underground Vengeance are old enough to be vampires.

“You guys coming?” Talon pokes his head out from the hallway.

Matrix brings his food with him. He hasn’t touched it yet, but he already knows the news about Blackstone. He’s had an hour to digest it. Maybe that’s about all he can stomach right now.

Reaper’s already at the end of the table, silent as ever. He lifts his chin to acknowledge us but doesn’t say anything. Talon, Matrix, and I take our seats. A second later, Scar comes in, shutting the door behind him.

“Church is in session.” He slams the gavel down before taking his seat at the head of the table. “Matrix, start us off.”

“Before I get to the big news, I’ve got an update on Jeff Polson. He swiped his badge at the hospital at four a.m. this morning.”

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