Page 40 of Nitro

“Sick fuck deserved it.”

“Yeah.”

“How’d she take it?”

“She didn’t judge me, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“How could she? It was self-defense.”

“That’s what she said.”

“It’s true.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t still feel guilty about killing that bastard, do you?” Matrix’s jaw clenches.

“No. I never did.” I pause before adding, “I told her I liked killing him.”

“What’d she say to that?”

“She was understanding. It’s fucking weird. It’s like I can’t stop talking about shit when I’m with her.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing. We’ve got nothing to hide.”

“Except we do. We’ve all got … issues. Shit left over from that time, like you with the cutting.” I nod toward his arms.

“I wish everyone would shut the fuck up about it.”

“If we weren’t worried about you, we would.”

“What are you trying to hide?” he asks. There’s a defensive lilt to his voice.

“I’m into some shit that would scare off any normal chick.”

“Like?” Matrix pries.

“Just … shit.” I stand up, suddenly uncomfortable with the way this conversation’s headed. “Let me know if you hear anything about Polson.”

Matrix nods, but he’s studying me like he’s trying to figure out what I mean about the sick shit I’m into. I’d never tell him. It’s too weird. Besides, we don’t talk about stuff like sex together. It’s hard enough to talk about it with Holly. Discussing it with another guy is just—nope!

When I get back to my bedroom door, I take a breath. I want to do things to her while she’s wearing that lingerie that would probably terrify her. Since I rescued her, I’ve struggled to rein in my impulse to make her mine. I’ve already claimed her with my mouth, but I want so much more. Instead of giving in to that temptation and risking hurting her, maybe it’s time to talk. Maybe I should tell her more about my past. That’s the quickest way to kill my libido, which is exactly what I need right now. Once she hears more of my story, she’ll have to decide how much she’s willing to give up to be with me. I’ll never be normal. I need her to recognize that and accept it. We won’t have a shot at a future together if she doesn’t understand my past.

That said, I’m nervous as hell because the stuff that happened before Blackstone will make that place seem like an amusement park in comparison. She has no idea the level of depravity I’ve endured. This could scare her away, but it couldalso bring us closer together. Whatever happens is up to her. All I can do is tell her the rest of my story.

Chapter 12: Holly

After popping a few pain pills, I sit on the edge of the bed. It’s only been a few days since the beating, but I’m starting to feel better already. Today felt magical. Not just because we spent all of it shopping, but because it’s so easy to be with Nitro. I don’t have to worry about every word that comes out of my mouth. There’s no stressing out about saying the wrong thing. He’s not going to fly into a rage if I fail to give him the perfect response. He’s nothing like Jeff.

Nitro’s the kind of guy I should have waited for. I’ll always regret how blinded I was by Jeff’s charm. Although, in a way, I’m wiser because of what happened. Now, when someone has something to hide, I’ll recognize their shady behavior and run like hell in the opposite direction. For example, if Nitro ever lies to me, I’ll sense it. There isn’t anything fake about him. He’s real. He doesn’t hide his true feelings from me.

Telling me about what happened to him at Blackstone’s took so much courage. Everyone sees Nitro as a daredevil, someone who is always doing reckless things like BASE jumping off the side of a mountain. I don’t see him that way at all. He’s brave and strong and so damn sexy I can’t stand it. I want him so much, but he keeps holding back. He claims it’s because he doesn’t want to injure me, but I know something he doesn’t realize yet. He’s not capable of hurting me the way Jeff did. Nitrowould never do that to a woman. He respects them, unlike Jeff. I need to find a way to convince Nitro that I’m ready for whatever he wants to do in bed. Sure, my ribs are still bruised, and I’m not feeling my best, but I won’t let that stop me from getting what I really want—him.

The door opens and Nitro walks in. The serious expression on his face melts when he looks at me. “God damn. You’re so fucking hot in that outfit.”

I took the liberty of stripping down to the sexy lingerie he bought me. Seduction isn’t my forte, but I’m willing to make an effort if it means getting him into bed with me.

“I’m hotter out of it.” I lower my lashes and look up at him, giving him my best, seductive smile.

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