Page 47 of Nitro

There’s something so comforting about cuddling with him. He’s so big and strong and dangerous. When he handcuffed me to the bed, I’ll admit, I was a little worried. But he made me feel things I’ve never felt before. God, he was so damn sexy, all demanding and feral. I already want him again, but my bones have disintegrated. I’m a liquified puddle of satisfaction.

“You doing okay?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“You weren’t scared?”

“No. I trust you. I know you’d never hurt me.”

“Have you ever done anything like that before?”

“Not even close.” I laugh. “I’ve been missing out. That’s for sure.”

“Please tell me you weren’t stuck having boring missionary position sex all the time.” He smirks.

“What sex?” I stroke my hand across his forearms, loving the way his muscles and tendons flex under my touch. What is it about a man’s arms that makes them so damn sexy? His are so big and rough, yet they can also be tender and gentle. I love everything about them.

“You weren’t having … any?” he asks, as if he can’t fathom the concept.

“Not really. Jeff was always too busy or too tired. Eventually I stopped asking. I always wondered if he was getting it from somewhere else, maybe one of the nurses or another doctor at the hospital. But I didn’t care enough to find out. I wish I had because then it would have made leaving easier.”

“Why did it take you so long to leave? Not that I’m judging you. I don’t want you to think that at all. But, if things were so bad, why stay?”

“I took my vows seriously. When I stood before our families and God, I made promises I intended to keep. I really struggled with whether I should leave him. Now that I’m free, I realize how much his mental abuse affected me. But it’s hard. No one would believe me if I told them the things he said to me. In public, he was the perfect husband. He saved the abuse for behind closed doors.”

“You felt like you were all alone with no support.”

“Right … until I met you.” I press my face into his chest and listen to his heartbeat. The steady rhythm soothes the pain in my heart.

“Why didn’t you ask me for help sooner? You know I would have done anything for you.”

“It’s hard to explain, but I kept hoping things would get better. If I was just sweet enough, just attentive enough, just good enough. If I could just be a better wife, then maybe he’d stop being so angry all the time.”

“I’ve heard that from other women we’ve rescued too.”

“Have any of those women ended up in your bed?” The question slips out before I can stop it. I wish I could take it back because I really don’t want him to answer it.

“No. Never. We make it a point not to sleep with the people we rescue. Usually. Scar broke that rule with Julia, but that was different. They were working together to save Max from hisfather. If there hadn’t been a kid involved and if Julia had been alone, then he never would have let things progress.”

“What about me? I don’t have a child.”

“I’m breaking all the rules for you.” His impish smile warms my heart.

“Won’t the guys give you shit about it?”

“Oh, they will. But since I claimed you, they can’t get too far out of line.”

“Claimed me?” I sit up and hold the sheet over my chest.

“In the club, if a guy wants to make it perfectly clear that a woman’s off-limits to everyone else, he claims her. I did that as soon as I moved you into my room.”

“What if I don’t want to be claimed?” I’m not liking the direction this conversation is headed. Claiming someone sounds like ownership. Jeff owned me throughout our entire marriage. I’m not interested in becoming someone’s property again.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. If you’re not okay with this, I’m not going to force you into it. I just thought…” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

“I’m not ready for anything like that … yet,” I add. I don’t want to destroy the tenuous bond between us. Nitro isn’t the problem in this equation. It’s me. I can’t commit to another man, no matter how much I like him. I fell in love much too quickly with Jeff. I can’t make that same mistake with Nitro.

“Yet?” He bites his bottom lip and frowns. “So, maybe later?”

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