Page 90 of Nitro

“Oh, shit,” I mutter.

“Just to rule it out, let’s do a pregnancy test.” Doc opens his bag and pulls out a test kit. “Have you done one of these before?”

“A long time ago, right after I got married. I wasn’t on anything then, but after a scare, I went to my doctor to get the pills.” She looks at me. “Subconsciously, I think I knew my marriage was doomed from the beginning. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. And I certainly didn’t want to bring a child into that mess.”

“What about now? Are you ready to be pregnant?” Doc asks.

“I…” She stops to look at me.

“If you want to talk to him alone, I can go.” I gesture toward the door.

“No. Stay. Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together. Okay?” The terrified look in her eyes hurts my heart. I don’t ever want to see that expression on her face.

“I just pee on the end, right?” she asks Doc.

“Exactly. Holler when it’s done, and I’ll start the timer. We need to wait three minutes for the results.”

“All right.” She gives me a hug before disappearing into the bathroom. She closes the door and locks it. I’m not sure why she felt the need to do that, but if it makes her feel more secure, then it’s fine.

“How are you going to feel if she’s pregnant?” Doc whispers.

“I can’t be a dad.”

“Unless you have a medical condition preventing it that I don’t know about, you can definitely be a father. It sounds likeshe might have missed a pill or two. If you’re having a lot of intercourse, she could easily be pregnant.”

“No, I don’t mean biologically. I know how that shit works. What I meant is that I can’t do that. Not after the shit I went through with my parents. How the hell would I even know what to do?”

“Son, even if you had perfect parents, having a baby is trial by fire. Good role models are nice to have, but a lot of great dads had shitty fathers. There’s no correlation between the two. The men who end up being terrible dads are the ones who don’t even consider what it means to be a shining example of masculinity.”

“I definitely can’t be that.” I roll my eyes.

“You can. And you will be. There are books you can read about being a good parent. Nina’s never had biological children, but she has raised plenty of kids who went on to do amazing things in the world. You turned out just fine.”

“Doc, I’m a disaster half the time. I do reckless shit. I’m irresponsible.”

“No. You used to be all those things. There’s no question about that, but since you met Holly, you’ve changed. You’re not the same man. Hell, just look around this room. It’s not a fucking disaster anymore.” Doc grins.

“True.” I glance at the carpet that had been hidden under piles of clothes for years.

“If she is pregnant, you know you can call me day or night to answer any questions you have. The offer’s open to any of the guys. Scar took me up on it more than once. Look at how good he is with his son. You’ll be that way too.”

“Do you really think so?” I ask.

“I know it.”

“Um, Doc?” Holly yells from inside the bathroom. “How many blue lines am I supposed to see?”

“That depends on the results. Two blue lines means you’re pregnant.”

I hold my breath until the room gets hazy.

“Nitro, why don’t you sit for a second.” Doc guides me to the edge of the bed. “If you think you’re going to pass out, put your head between your knees.”

“I’m fine,” I lie.Stop being a pussy and man up, I silently chide myself.

The bathroom door opens. Holly stands in the doorway, holding the plastic stick. I can’t tell what’s going on by the look on her face. She seems shocked, but I can’t tell if it’s in a good way or a bad way.

“Let me see.” Doc takes the stick from her. “Two lines. Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”

---