Page 10 of Summer Redemption

I hold my hands up, hoping to appease her, even if only a little bit. “I understand this is going to sound strange, but I did pay attention to you back in school, Sunshine. You wanted to become a vet. I remember how hard you worked at the clinic with Dr. Harris.” I shrug one shoulder, my stomach unclenching slightly at the surprise in her eyes. “I knew you’d go out and do exactly that. You were far too smart not to.”

Her walls come slamming back down and I bite back a sigh of annoyance. Not at her; at myself. “Smart,” she snarls, “uh-huh, that’s not what you used to call it.”

My face crumples and all I can do is look at the ground. “I don’t know what to say,” I admit.

It’s true. I should apologize, but words don’t feel like enough. She deserves so much more than just some apology she won’t hear or believe.

“You’re in charge of the barn and the care of the horses?” Her tone is brisk and professional; I hate it.

I nod and hazard looking up at her. Her eyes aren’t on me and, instead, she’s taking in the barn around us. I wish she was looking at me.

There’s no doubt in my mind that I fucked up back in the day. I was cruel and took out my fears on a girl who didn’t deserve it. By doing so, and making it public, other people followed my lead. It wasn’t right then and it’s still not right. I have no idea how to make it better.

What I am certain of is that Sunshine Holloway still means something to me. Back then I couldn’t see a way past the fear, but now, with how everything has worked out for my brothers, something like hope bubbles up inside of me and makes me wonder.

Can I get her to forgive me? Can we start over? Can I have what my brothers have?

Maybe.

Determination fills me because I’m going to find out.

“Let me show you around,” I offer the only olive branch I have. The only one I think she’d be willing to take.

It doesn’t take long. I give her a tour of the barn, fill her in on the breeding program Fletcher is so damn proud of, as well as the equine therapy program Noel is just starting to get off the ground. She meets all the horses, except for Skittles who is training with Delaney and Noel in the ring.

I watch in awe as she takes the time to connect with every horse in a way that is special. She has a gift with them, and they respond to her without needing to build the trust I’ve had to work on over the years. Sure, we got there, but some were easier,and harder, than others. It wasn’t an instant feeling of safety Sunshine clearly gives to each horse in her own way.

The only thing I can do is watch on in fascination, wishing that the tour wasn’t coming to an end. But it is. It’s almost time for me to man up and say what needs to be said because I’m not sure when I’ll get another chance.

“Right now, we have four pregnant horses. When we get closer, I’ll stay out in the barn to keep an eye on things. The last thing we want is to lose a mare or a foal,” I keep my voice soft when I talk to her, hoping that it means something even though I’m fairly sure it doesn’t.

“Good.” Sunshine nods but doesn’t look at me. “When the time comes, if you need me, I’ll be here.” She clears her throat and pulls a card out of her back pocket before holding it out to me. “This has my cell phone number on it.”

I slip it from between her fingers like she’s given me a lifeline. It feels that way.

It’s a short-lived feeling because with her next breath, Sunshine informs me, her words sharp as she looks at me finally, “Only use it if there’s an issue with one of the horses and you need me here in a professional capacity. No prank phone calls.”

My face heats as shame and embarrassment threatens to take me under. Without meaning to or realizing it, I step closer to her. I can feel the heat coming from her body and my arms beg me to wrap them around her. I don’t think it would help, not yet and maybe never.

“Sunshine,” my voice is low as she turns toward the barn door, “I’m really sorry about how I treated you in high school. It was so stupid of me, and then when I saw other people follow mylead I should have stepped in and put a stop to it. That’s on me. I know it’s not enough, but I am sorry.”

She looks at me over her shoulder for a long moment. It feels like time and silence stretch between us. The longer it goes on, the more uncomfortable I feel.

It’s not enough.

Will anything be enough?

“It’s fine, Huxley,” she says the words, but there’s no feeling in her voice.

I think I would rather her get pissed off at me and yell or put me in my place. It would be no less than I deserve, but she doesn’t do that. She simply wears her neutral mask, which I hate.

Even when I hurt her, she let me see the fire in her eyes, the determination. And, sometimes, the hurt.

If only I weren’t so stupid back then.

When she steps out of the barn, I desperately want to follow her. But I don’t. It feels like I’m rooted in place as uncertainty swirls in my gut. I’ve never been one to second guess myself. I make a decision, or a choice, and I go with it.

But this? I feel out of my depth.

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