Page 35 of Beg Me Angel

It looked like he was speaking to the heavens, sending someone or something a silent message. I wasn't sure if he was giving the sky the middle finger or if he meant it as a thank you for handing him the solitude of his home.

Pax had secrets, he had a past and a life that he either ran from or was exiled to. I just wasn't sure which one it was. Should I fear this lone hunter or should I embrace him for what he had given me?

I didn't know if that was an answer I wanted. If he was bad, if he was a man whose past was better left buried, then not knowing wouldn't change what I felt.

Because what I felt went deeper than it should. He gave me butterflies, he made my insides bend and coil in corded knots, making it hard to breathe.

It wasn't just that he had cared for me when I needed it most; it was his eyes and the way they looked at me, it was his smile and how easily it affected the way my heart beat. I was afraid to lose that feeling, like an addict not wanting the withdrawal.

Pax was becoming my drug.

The grass thinned, opening into a flat clearing. Nodding his head, he pointed at a thick bush at the base of a set of trees. “That's where you were, but I only found you because of this.” Kicking the ground, he shuffled around charcoal and ashes with his boot, nudging half burned branches off the top. “I saw the smoke, that's how I ended up out here in the first place.”

Dropping to my haunches, I picked up a light chunk of black wood. Crumbling the pebble-sized bit into carbon powder, I rubbed it between my fingers. “Who made the fire?” Searching the ground, I tried to look for tire tracks or footprints.

There was nothing. I didn't know what I expected to see, maybe turned up ground or solid impressions of feet. I thought I'd find my purse laying in the dirt and my phone laying right beside it.

I honestly shouldn't have expected to see anything. The grass was way too thick and tall, any dirt that was visible was muddied up from animals and the forces of nature.

But who the hell was I? I wasn't a detective or forensic expert. I was a college kid who somehow ended up trapped in a forest.

“Don't know, like I said, no one else was here but you.”

“Did you see any tracks or tire impressions that day? I'm not seeing anything right now. Maybe they were washed away by rain or something?”

Draping his hand over the back of his neck, Pax stooped down next to me. “Vera, if I had seen anything like that, I would have told you.” Picking up a charred branch, he poked the fallen fire. “There was nothing else, just this.”

Closing my eyes, I revisited the memories of being in the car with Sara. They flashed through in rotation, flickering in short bursts. Pinching my lids tighter, I lifted my fingers to my nose and smelled the ash.

Inhaling a full breath, I slowed down my breathing and kept the short film on repeat in my head. I was trying to force it out, to push the memories to the surface, but still there was nothing.

Standing up, I walked to the bush. “This one?” I asked, pointing to it.

“Yeah, right there in the middle. Your feet came out here.” Placing his hand on the ground, Pax touched the exact spot my shoes had been. “And you were tucked up in the middle there.”

Looking closely, I could see tread marks from my sneakers and the dirt that had been kicked up. Pushing back the foliage, I looked inside, splitting the leaves apart to see as much as possible.

“What do you think you'll find? There's nothing here, I don't know how this is going to help you.” Laying a hand on my shoulder, Pax squeezed down. “We should head back soon, it's getting too dark to be out here.”

“I just want something, anything to—”A tiny sparkle caught my eye, shimmering from under a large leaf. Reaching my hand in, I tugged out a silver chain and collapsed onto the ground. “This is my necklace, my father gave it to me for my thirteenth birthday.” Holding it in my palm, I swirled the thin metal with one finger, twisting it into a tight spiral.

I could feel the weight of Pax staring down at me and I could sense he wanted to speak, he wanted to ask his own set of questions, but he didn't. Instead, his hand stroked up and down my back, the touch soothing and comforting.

Touching the center of my chest where the chain had hung before, I brushed the empty flesh with my fingertips. “What the fuck happened to me, Pax? How did I end up here?”

Sighing, he rolled his fingers over my neck, massaging it in gentle circles. “I wish I had the answer for you, Vera, but I don't.”

Curling my fingers over the chain, I buried my nails into my palm, digging them in so deep I could feel the skin splitting open. “I need to know, I just need to know what happened.” My head fell between my thighs as tears pooled at the edge of my lids.

I didn't want to cry, I wanted to rationalize what happened. I wanted to be able to say I remembered being here, that I had gotten lost and set the fire myself. I wanted to remember the fear of being alone, the unknown, but most of all, I wanted to know if Sara was alright.

If I had been left here, where was she?

It cut me so deep to know that I couldn't account for anything. All the strength I had been holding onto, all the hope of completing this puzzle was dissolving before my eyes.

Coming here hadn't brought me any closer to what I was looking for, it just left me right at the start, harboring the same unknowns I began with.

I didn't want to get lost in emotion and let my head get walled by the feelings that were trying to come in and wrap a noose around my neck.

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