Page 44 of Beg Me Angel

That was my grave. . .

My grave. . .

Pax's eyes softened as the realization of what he had said took hold. “I. . . It's not what you think.” His hands flew up and latched his head as he yelled, “Fuck!” Stepping back he started to pace again. “Whoever hurt you, they hurt you bad, Angel. I didn't know if you would ever wake up.” There was a pain settling in his eyes, turning the deep brown to charcoal black. “You didn't have a name, I didn't know what else to do.”

Swallowing hard, I let him talk, I listened and let it all sink in. The grave was an afterthought, a forced choice for an already shitty situation that he hadn't asked for.

We were both thrown into the fire, left to burn and die in the ashes. Pax was a good guy, I could see it, I could feel it.

Rubbing his temples, he breathed in slowly. “I couldn't sleep with you because all I could think about was trying to find a way to keep you here, something so you would have to stay with me. Good men. . . Good men don't think like that.”

The air around me grew hot, pricking my lungs, turning oxygen into boiling steam. I should have been afraid right then, I should have turned and ran in the other direction, finding freedom in the trees around us.

But that wasn't what I felt.

I felt excited, I felt warm as my skin sizzled and my heart hammered inside my chest. My body was alive, shedding all the questions I had about him and about what had brought me to him.

“Pax,” I said, whispering the word.

He didn't hear me, he just kept pacing, pacing and talking. “I couldn't imagine a life before with anyone else in it, but after that night, after finding you and watching you almost die, I can't imagine a life without you.” His voice was strained as all of his thoughts streamed out like a raging hurricane, and I was standing in the eye of the storm.“You were so close, so close to death and I couldn't imagine losing you.” A distressed laugh broke his onslaught of words as he stroked his beard. “I didn't know you and I still don't know you, but you have no idea how much you gave me, how much you changed me—”

“PAX.” Speaking louder, I infiltrated his wall of confusion. “And that's why you're not the person you think you are.” My legs shuffled forward, hands sliding up to curl around his neck. “Stop talking, just stop talking.”

My eyes danced between his for one breath, one single second in time. Climbing to my tiptoes, I forced my lips onto his and kissed him. He had given me my life back, he had given me the chance to keep going.

And if I hadn't made it, he was still willing to share his haven with me.

There were no words to express the feelings I had for this man. He had swooped in, he had carried me in more ways than just a physical set of arms. His home became my refuge, his mind became my freedom and his heart. . .

His heart had just sealed itself inside mine.

If I had the power to change him from just my presence, from the care he gave me. . . What could he do to change me?

Could he show me a world that wasn't filled with greed?

Could he give me the lightness in my heart that I wished I had and erase all the pain I still held onto?

Stepping back, I stroked my fingers through his beard, scratching in deep. “Maybe we both needed a change.”

His hands flew up, capturing my face. “I don't know if you understand.” His eyes flicked between mine, opening up and drawing me in. “Now that I have you, I'd do anything to keep you. I'd do anything for you.”

Pouting my lips, I tried to read him, to see inside his words. “What would you do for me?”

Grinning, Pax slid his hands down my cheeks. “This, this is for you my Angel.” Lifting my arms up, I felt him tickle my ribs as he shimmied the shirt over my shoulders. His hands came down slowly, gingerly stroking my chest with the weight of a feather.

“Why do you call me angel? Why would you give me such a title when I've taken so much from you?” My eyes searched his for an answer as thin lines crinkled across his forehead.

Pax had no idea what I was feeling, what it felt like to have been dropped into his life the way I had. But I hadn't realized how empty I had felt before or how much I craved to have that emptiness filled.

And the longer I was here, the longer I was by his side, that hole started to shrivel up, it was closing more and more. I just needed him to help me realize why.

I still had questions about what had happened to me and how it brought me here, but all of this was helping me to look at life in a different color.

I didn't need all the bells and whistles that came with the city, I didn't need manicures and makeup to feel good about myself.

All I needed was the right man to show me the beauty that the world could offer. The right man to show me that life was more than just the type of car you drove or the designer you picked to wear.

Lifting his palm to my cheek, I leaned my face against the large pad and waited for him to speak. “Because that's what you are, you fell into my hands and saved me in ways you could never realize. You gave me the chance to feel again, to give and not always take. For that. . .” Strumming his thumb over my chin, he ran it across my bottom lip. “For that you're an angel, you're my angel.”

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