Page 72 of Pushed

“I know what you want and I know what I want. But what we want isn't a choice either of us can make. You know that right?” She didn't answer as her fingers clenched the edge of the tub and her knuckles turned white. “Tell me you know, tell me you understand that.”

Lashes flickered, brows curved high, but still she stayed silent.

My hand found the dip in her spine, lifting her chest higher. “I know you hate me, I know you're going to leave here today and you'll never look at me the same. But until you know the truth, until you really know what I've done, it's only hate. I can accept that, I can handle that, but you can't fear me, never fear me, Imperial.”

Plush lips parted as her tongue licked her bottom lip. I wanted to kiss her again, I wanted to enjoy one more pleasure before my world was wiped clean, before everything I knew was gone.

Before I was buried with my family.

Was that wrong? Was it wrong to desire something today that would be gone tomorrow? Did it make me a horrible person for wanting one more second with her when I knew it would be the last?

No, it made me human.

“I'm not afraid of you, Machi.” Lifting her hand to my cheek, she touched me softly. “I have no reason to fear you anymore, and hate. . .” Her fingers drew up and teased her lip as her face contorted in thought.

Sucking in a sharp breath, I stared at her. She struck a nerve, one that had been locked up tight, ignored and dormant for far too long. My heart skipped uneasily, my stomach jolted as it rumbled in a way that made me shiver.

Even without the truth. . .

Even knowing what was coming. . . She still couldn't say she hated me.

“I made you a promise, don't think I forgot that. If I could change all of this, every last second of what I've done that brought you here—I would.”

Imperial wiped her eyes, pushing the water out of her face. Blinking rapidly, her lashes still held small droplets on the tips. Each one was shining like crystal against her eyes, sparkling and glinting in the light.

She had never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment. There was vulnerability in her ocean blue eyes as they flooded with despair. I didn't like seeing her so lost and saddened because of what I was doing, but right then she was real.

There were no walls holding her up, there were no barricades or anger keeping her locked inside.

Right then, she gave me the true Imperial.

“Why are you telling me this when we both know what's coming?” Pushing herself up, she held her palm out and touched my chest. “What part of you is talking right now? Is it the man or the monster?”

Holding her hand on my chest, I rubbed the back of her palm. I wanted her to feel what I was doing for her, I wanted her to know from just my fingertips that there was more going on behind the surface.

She'll see it all. And when she does, she'll understand.

“This is still just the beginning, nothing is over, the beginning doesn't mean it's the end.” Stretching my hand out, I tried to touch her face, her lips, her cheeks.

But she stopped me, clasping my hand in the air and lowering it to the cold tub. Turning her lips up into a forced smile, they barely reached her eyes. “I just want to get this over with. Please, don't make me want what I can't have.”

I wanted to hold her face and kiss her lips, I wanted to climb into the tub with her and take what was mine.

Because that's what she was, I had taken her and claimed her and wrote my name all over her.

“I wish I could whisk you away from this place and keep you for myself. But that's not safe for you. People would come to hunt me down, men would climb mountains to have my head. I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt, Imperial.”

“It's too late for that, Machi, I'm already broken.”

Cupping her chin in my hand, I lowered my face, forcing her to look in my eyes. “You're not broken, and when this all over, I hope you can see me as the man I was, not the man I had to be.”

Her breath hitched, eyes flashing in bright fireworks as the tiny water droplets broke free and exploded on her skin. “What makes you think I don't see you now?”

My heart hammered inside my chest, flooding my veins with liquid fire.

All this time I was trying to save her, and in reality, Imperial had saved me. She had stormed my heart and woken me up, forcing me to breathe my first true breath in years. I was alive again.

I love you.

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