Page 42 of Redd

Dropping to my haunches, I fisted my hair and tugged at the roots. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.”

I waited for her to respond, to yell at me, to scream again; but she stayed silent, tears falling one at a time as she gazed blankly at the floor.

“I didn't mean to scare you.”

She swallowed hard, forcing the red fingerprint shaped spots on her neck to puff up. The skin on her throat was slightly swollen, indents of where I had held her tight smacked me in the face.

“You didn't scare me.”

Dropping my eyes, I looked at the tips of her toes. I couldn't look at her anymore, it made me feel like such an asshole.You are an asshole.

“I wouldn't have killed you, I just—”

Cutting me off, her toes wriggled against the carpet. “I wish you would have.”

“What?” Snapping me eyes up, I arched a brow. “You don't really mean that.”

“What good is living anymore? Look at me?” Holding out her arms, the girl leaned forward. “I'm broken. I have nothing left. What the hell do I have to live for?”

“You shouldn't just give up like that. That's the easy way out. Why fight at all just to throw it all away?”

“What the hell would you know? You can't understand me, you have no fucking clue.” Her hand drifted back and forth over the carpet, light and gentle.

She looked empty. And I couldn't stand to see her like that.

“I know what I've been through and I haven't given up yet. I won't sit back and let you give up either.” There was a weakness in my voice, a sound that made me cringe. I was starting to feel for this girl, a thin thread built between us, connecting me to her.

I wanted to fix her, I wanted to do the same thing for her that I was doing for Vicki. Breathing new life into a soul that deserved to be happy.

My heart hammered inside my chest as I watched her. Her hair hung around her face, hiding her from me. Itchy fingers tingled by my side, tempted to push the hair away. I wanted to touch her and feel her, show her that I wasn't some sick pervert trying to hold her against her will.

But the feelings she was able to drum up inside of me, they were too deep. There was too much emotional buildup, too much that could burn me to the ground and leave me wounded if I let it grow out of control.

My body ached to touch her, to caress her, to stroke her swelled lips and massage her neck.

No, I can't do this. I just can't.

I couldn't handle it anymore. I was already responsible for one life, how could I take on another?

But the thought of something happening to this girl, it twisted my stomach and sliced my chest, making it hard breathe.

I don't know if I can do this. I have to protect Vicki, she's the one I need to be there for.

I was tempted to back up, open my door and tell her to run far away from me and never look back.

You can't send her away. That's the same as hanging her yourself.

“I never killed anyone who didn't deserve it, and I certainly didn't kill your father.”

Her small face lifted, eyes red and bloodshot, puffy and wet from crying. “You might not have killed him with your hands, but you'll be the reason for his death.”

“I don't understand what you mean.” Fiddling with my fingers, I let her talk. She needed to get it out, to spill whatever thoughts she had inside her head.

Tell me, tell me everything. Who am I protecting you from?

“He's going to kill him, he's going to kill him and it's all your fault!” Balling her fists, she lunged off the floor, pounding them against my chest, wildly crying out inaudible words and suicide screams. “Just kill me already! Stop the pain, I can't take anymore! Kill me too! Kill me and make it stop!”

“Calm down, take a breath.” Grabbing her wrists, I spun her around, wrapping her in a bear hug and holding her close. “Just calm down. Take a breath and relax.”

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