Page 73 of Redd

“You shouldn't be afraid of who you are. You said it yourself, nothing was your fault.”

Shaking my head, I watched her as she brought her face up to mine. Her lips pursed, brows arching high. She looked confused and afraid, like she wanted to know all my secrets, but wasn't sure how to ask.

She should be afraid. I was.

“It's not that simple, I wish it was. What he did, none of that was in my control. I was just a kid and he was my father. You're not supposed to go against the grain of your family. . . But I did.”

Closing my eyes, I laid my head back against the headboard and scratched at my throat. “My father made his own bed, he made those choices. But I made choices too, I've done things that he had no hand in. I can't blame him for what I've done. I own those mistakes, and I'll pay for them when it's time. Everyone I stole from, every time I let my hands touch something that wasn't mine—it was my choice. I can't take any of it back. I can't erase what I've done. Just like the other night, I did that, I killed that man—”

Cutting me off, her voice came in hard and sharp. “He deserved it, some people deserve what they get. You can't hold that over your head.”

Slowly, I peeled my eyes open and stared her down. “If I hadn't been there, he would still be alive.”

“And if you hadn't been there, I'd still be in that closet.” Her body stiffened, head rolling to her shoulder. “Are you questioning yourself now? Do you regret taking me?”

“No, that's not it, that's not what I mean.” Pushing up higher, I threw my fingers to my face, rubbing my forehead. “I don't regret taking you from there, it's what happens next, Bijou, that I worry about. I did one good thing and look where it got me. I feel like the world is about to come crashing down on me—on Vicki—on you.One choice threw it all off balance. I was supposed to be done with all this shit, I told Vicki I wasn't going to do it anymore.”

Angling her head, she veered her stare, brows dropping into the bridge of her nose. “Wait, your sister knows about what you did? Is that what she was talking about in the car?”

“She knows enough.” I watched her swallow, flicking her eyes towards the wall beside us. “Look, I don't want you to get me wrong. I wouldn't change what I did to get you out of there, I mean that. It's just—now I can't stop thinking about what else I'll have to do to keep that man away. How long will we have to look over our shoulders, how long before someone finds us? I don't want to kill anyone else, I've already taken two lives too many.”

Sitting still as stone, her eyes glazed over, replaying what I said. “Should I be afraid of you? Is that what you're telling me? That you can kill without thinking about it and that's what you're afraid of?” She didn't look at me when she asked, keeping her gaze down. “Who else did you kill, Redd?”

Her thumbs nervously tugged at each other, fingers nibbling away at the skin. I wanted to tell her, I really did. But I didn't want to scare her, I didn't want to push her away and force her back into the hole she had climbed out of.

“It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.”

“Tell me, tell me who it was.” Kicking her feet around, she climbed onto her knees, pressing her hands into the mattress. “I need to know, tell me who.”

“No.” Leaning forward, I pressed our foreheads together. She refused to look me in the eyes, holding them steady on her hands. “Look at me, Bijou.” Closing her eyes, she held her breath. My voice shot out, deep and harsh. “Look at me.” Gripping her arms, I yanked her closer.

“I don't want to.”

“Why not?”

“I don't know if I want to see what you're hiding.”

Grabbing her chin, I tipped her head, capturing her eyes so she couldn't look anywhere but at my face. “We all have secrets. You and I both know you're hiding some of your own. You don't want to talk about it, and I don't want to talk about this.”

“This is different. My secrets only hurt me, yours might have hurt others.”

“Mine have nothing to do with now or with us. I'm willing to do anything to help you. That's all that matters, not what I did long before we met.” Holding her face firmly in my fingers, I refused to let her go. “Do you understand that?”

“Us?” she asked, her voice delicate as her eyes softened.

Releasing my grip, I stroked my jaw. “I don't want to sound crazy, Bijou, but when I'm with you, it feels right.” Shading my eyes under heavy lids, I tucked my head into my chest. “I haven't felt this good in years. I haven't felt this complete ever.”

“Redd. . .” Bijou scooted her body closer, laying her head on my chest. “You don't even know me.”

Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I kissed the top of her head. “I know. But it feels like I've known you for a lifetime. I don't understand it, I have no way to explain it to you. But whatever it is, it's hitting me right here—” Slapping a hand over my heart, I pushed my palm in so I could feel the drum. “That's all I need to know, the rest will come in time.”

Rolling her head, her eyes met mine, glistening with tears over the surface. “Thank you.” She whispered as a single drop broke free and glided down her cheek.

“I already told you not to thank me, we're not out of this yet.”

“Not for that.” Her hand came up and swept over my jaw, thumb running over my bottom lip. “For showing me what it feels like to be alive.”

My skin buzzed from her touch, cock firming and pulsing as her eyes dripped with life. She was what I had been missing all this time.

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