Page 27 of Bound

“Mom, don't, not right now. I know—”

“Porter, I just worry, that's all. I'm afraid for you and what this is doing to you. You're not the same person anymore, you're different. How am I suppose to believe a word you say when you show up with a strange woman, and tell me you crashed the car?”

“I just need you to trust me, it's not what you think.”

“I can't do this, Porter, if I lose you too. . .” Her words trailed off, eyes welling up.

“You won't lose me, I promise.”

Frowning, she closed up her bag of medical supplies, her movements sharp. “Don't make promises you can't keep, Porter. Not when I know you're going out there trying to fix what you have no control over. You need to change, you need to stop getting in over your head.”

“I'm not doing anything.” My voice came out short and firm.

This wasn't her concern. I understood that I was her son—her only son, but that didn't change the fact that something had to be done.

I couldn't live the rest of my life waiting for them to find me. I couldn't live with myself if I just sat back, and did nothing to get justice for Zander.

The police weren't going to do shit, they didn't care about a lowlife thug who had gotten in over his head.

Those people weren't going to stop, not until I was dead. That's how they worked. They gobbled up lost and broken souls, only to destroy them in the end. I would never be free unless I took control.

That's what I was doing, I was taking my life back. And I was giving my mother back hers, even is she doesn't realize it. Because none of us are free, until I free myself too.

I wish I hadn't waited so long to do it. . .

“You want what you'll never get, Porter. You can't fix what you broke.” Grabbing her bag, she started for the door. “It's late, she'll be alright, just let her rest. We'll figure this out tomorrow. You can stay on the couch for tonight, but I don't know what your father is going to say about all of this.”

I heard my mother go back downstairs, but I didn't get up to leave right away. Staring down at Emery, I started to feel something. My heart began to hurt, it ached in a way I had never felt before.

Pushing that feeling away, I forced it down deep into my gut. It wasn't even something I had to think about anymore. It just happened naturally.

Cold and emotionless was easier, it gave me the strength I needed to do what I had to. No feelings meant no hurt. No feelings gave rise to the killer that had been built inside me.

I was out for blood, and nothing would satiate my hunger until I had devoured every last asshole that held me stagnant, keeping me a prisoner in my own existence.

If you don't care, then why did you take her?

Even I couldn't believe my own lies anymore. Because the truth was, I did care about what happened to this girl, none of this was her fault.

Touching her cheek with the back of my hand, I ran my knuckles over her delicate skin. “I won't say I'm sorry for taking you, but I won't let you go until I know you'll be safe.”

Emery turned her face towards me, her eyes fluttering behind shut lids as she let out a quiet groan.

I don't want to hurt you.

I just hope you can feel that.

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