Page 4 of Bound

Pursing my lips, I took in a deep breath, exhaling it hard and fast.

Fuck it.

Raising the glass to the bartender, I rested it against my lips, and threw my head back to drink it quickly. There was a slight burn as it skated down my throat and warmed my belly. My mouth tingled, sizzling like I had just sucked on a ghost pepper.

Coughing slightly, my voice came out scratchy and harsh. “Thank you,” I said with a cringe, as I wiped my lips with the pads of my fingers, and took a long sip of my drink to ease the fire in my mouth.

“Hope your night gets better.” Clearing the shot glass off the bar top, he walked off to tend to the other patrons, and I couldn't help but feel more alone than I had the entire time I had been sitting there.

At first I was nervous, even a little excited for this date. There was something sensual and dangerous about meeting a mysterious man. But that feeling had faded, creating doubt and uncertainty, leaving me bitter and cold to everyone else there having a good time.

The people around me were talking and laughing, men and women were dancing and having a fucking ball. And here I was, alone, frowning, and talking to myself inside my head.

A part of me wanted what everyone else had; I wanted to smile. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to leave reality behind, and forget the shit that made me ponder how my life ended up the way it did.

I suppose my reality was the same as everyone else. I worried about money, debt, the need to feed myself in this economy where prices went up and wages seemed to stay the same. From the looks on everyone around me, no one else seemed to have a care in the fucking world.

Jealousy was a fucking bitch, regardless of whether it was justified or not.

I knew it wasn't rational for me to feel that way, I didn't know any of the people there. I knew a hell of a lot more people were worse off than I was. I wasn't the only one dealt a shitty hand in life.

But I was jealous of the fun they were having while I fell deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. There was anger for being stood up, there was hurt and pain for feeling unimportant; like Simon had found something better to do than follow through on his word to be there.

Why am I surprised?

Men suck.

Sitting solo and deflated, I began to feel really dumb for agreeing to a blind date with a man I knew nothing about and never met even once before.

What the hell was I thinking?

I had convinced myself that maybe Della was right. Maybe I did spend way too much time alone. Maybe I was avoiding the intimate needs I craved just to escape the fear of being hurt.

Was it wrong to find more comfort curling up with a good book on a Friday night than going out to get shit-faced? Was it wrong to not put myself through the pain relationships caused?

Because that was every relationship I've ever had. No one ever stayed, no man had ever really given me butterflies or made my toes curl. All I ever found was one let down after another. So, why should I put myself through that again?

I wasn't this person; the girl sitting in a slinky black dress, that showed too much cleavage, and flaunting my assets like some cheap perfume commercial. Della had dolled up my face, thrown me into one of her fuck me dresses with pumps that made my calves hurt and the arches of my feet cramp, and released me like a trophy.

This is fucking stupid.

He's not coming.

I had been waiting for over an hour already for this guy, and so far, he was a no show. How much longer was I supposed to sit and wait?

He's definitely not coming.

It's been long enough, I'm out.

Grabbing my phone, I shot Della a quick text.'Your pick is a no-show, I'm leaving.'

Dropping my phone into my purse, I chugged the rest of my drink, pulling the clutch up my arm, and onto my shoulder. Throwing down some money, I thanked the bartender with a smile and a nod.

My phone buzzed against my hip, and I knew instantly it was Della. She had probably been holding her phone by her side all night, just waiting for some sort of update about how it was going, and what I thought.

Digging it out, I read her message.'I'm texting Simon now, don't leave yet.'

Rolling my eyes to myself, I huffed under my breath.

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