Page 74 of Clichés & Curses

‘I just feel so stupid saying all this out loud,’ I admitted. ‘It’s just that I used to think Mom and Dad’s love story was the best of all time. How beautiful it was for having started with a cliché love interest, then actually living in their “happily-ever-after” with us by their side. I thought it was always going to be the four of us, together. I never knew there would be an end to happily-ever-after.’

I continued. ‘And when it did end, it just shattered this illusion I had of love stories with a cliché love interest and how maybe there wasn’t such a thing as a “happily ever after” after all. But then you and Nathan came along, a story straight out of any workplace romance I had read. Seeing you so happy made me believe that maybe there was something to the romance of it all,’ I told her.

Once I realized the weight of my words, I quickly added, ‘I don’t want to make it seem like I’m pinning this on you.’

Eliza simply shook her head. ‘Not at all. Go on.’

‘I looked up to your relationship a lot. I remember how shocked I was the first time you brought Nathan home; I couldn’t believe there was actually someone out there who had managed to capture the heart ofthe Elizabeth.’

Eliza let out a small laugh.

‘And I was so happy for you, because you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer. I was glad that the person who would be giving that to you was Nathan. The day you called to tell me that he proposed to you was when I had started to believe that maybe there was something to falling in love after all—that maybe there was a thing such as a “happily ever after”.’

‘But we called off the engagement,’ Eliza continued for me instead.

‘You guys called off the engagement,’ I repeated. ‘And you were a wreck, Eliza.’

Another similarity between my parents’ and Eliza’s relationship with Nathan was that they had both ended mutually, but at two very different speeds. While my parents’ divorce was caused by years of build-up, Eliza and Nathan’s cancellation of engagement was sudden and abrupt. But that didn’t mean the hurt wasn’t there. I remember during the early days, once the divorce was finalized, how sadness lingered in the house, an awkward tension between my parents when we had our family dinner together.

When Eliza’s engagement was called off, she returned home for two weeks. Within those days, I remembered passing by her room and hearing her soft sobs through the door. My hand would reach out to the doorknob before I pulled it back, figuring she wanted to be by herself.

While Eliza did end up moving to New York City, she was alone.

‘And I just remembered thinking, “What’s the point of falling in love when it won’t last?”’ I confessed. ‘When it just ends in pain and heartbreak?’

Eliza just gave me a small smile. ‘There really isn’t one.’

‘What?’ I said, confused by her answer.

‘I think the point of falling in love is to fall in love. It’s this strange but beautiful thing we want to experience, a natural feeling. It’s also this strange occurrence that we can’t help but search for, because that’s just how we are,’ Eliza explained. ‘Well, of course, there’s more to it once you get deeper into the relationship. But in the early days? It’s getting to know someone more each passing day, and just letting the feeling come to you.’

The sounds in the restaurant surrounded us as Eliza’s words lingered. We had never really talked about love and relationships—at least not in depth. Of course, I would call her up with details of the dates I had, and she would do the same when she and Nathan started dating. But after they called off the engagement, I hadn’t brought up anything related to dating, which might also explain my gatekeeping of Colton—the real Colton—from her.

To keep it as a fantasy for both her and me.

‘Can I ask you a question, though?’ I asked instead. ‘About Nathan?’

‘Sure.’

I hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether I should ask her this. Eventually, I decided to just let it out. ‘Would you still have gone out with Nathan when he first asked you out, even if you knew how the story would end?’

Eliza got quiet, taking her time to ponder over my questions. ‘If you were to ask me when we first broke off the engagement, I would have said no. I don’t think I would’ve gone out withhim if I had known. I mean, getting over him was the hardest thing I ever had to do,’ she confessed. ‘But now, my answer would be yes. I would still have gone out with him. And I would still have wanted to live through everything we did, even though I knew the end was nearer than I hoped it would be. I know relationships end for a multitude of different reasons, and sometimes, people might even wonder why they started it in the first place—that they’d be better off not having been in it before it got to a certain point. But I got lucky with Nathan, and I truly believe what we had was special. It was something I will always cherish, even if we’re not talking any more. I will forever feel grateful to have had him in my life.’

‘I’m glad to hear that,’ I said, truthfully.

‘At the same time, I didn’t know it was going to end; I thought we were forever. We were going to get married after all,’ Eliza continued, her voice turned sombre now. ‘But that’s the thing about being in a relationship with someone, you know? When you start to fall in love with them, you don’t know when it will end. That’s why it’s called falling—not fall, fell, or fallen—because it’s a continuous thing. Though, keep in mind my only relationship ended in a failed engagement, so take it for what you will,’ Eliza added the last part teasingly.

I let out a light laugh, glad that the tension from the whole conversation was starting to ease up.

‘But if there is one thing I’ve learned about falling in love,’ Eliza then said, ‘is that it’s a choice. While we might not be able to control our feelings, I do believe we get a say in who we fall in love with. And most of the time, the choice isn’t really anything momentous. Sometimes it’s as small as saying yes to going on a date with someone. Though in order to start falling, you first have to be brave enough to take the leap on your own,’ she said.

‘So, my advice is to find someone who’s worth taking the leap for,’ Eliza concluded.

I let her words sink into me, slowly letting them imprint into my mind. ‘But how would you know when to take that leap?’

‘Well. That’s up for you to decide.’ she shrugged. ‘There’s no rush in figuring it out. And you don’t always have to justify your emotions, you know?’ I tilted my head up to her, meeting her eyes.

‘It’s okay to let yourself have feelings. We’re humans, and emotions are what make us real,’ Elizabeth continued. ‘I still remember the day when Mom and Dad told us they were divorcing, while I had already started to shed some tears, you were just sitting there, trying to understand all the emotions you were feeling. You kept it to yourself for so long. And it wasn’t until I saw you sitting on the couch one day, looking through our family album, that you finally decided to let the emotions out.’

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