Page 24 of Calm Before the Score

Now, this is a question I don’t want to answer. I shift uncomfortably in my seat/ I’m careful not to move Violet’s hand from my leg. The decisions I made in high school leading up to my possible expulsion and the reason I started playing football still stay locked away in a vault. I don’t want Violet to see me as the person that I was back then. I hated that version of myself.

“I didn’t think anything was meant for me after high school, but football fell into my lap. The only reason I play is to make it to the pros and pay off my mom’s medical bills.”

“How bad are they?” She looks at me with genuine concern across her face.

“Could be worse, but her PT time has decreased because she’s made so much progress. I know her health will deteriorate, and she’ll need assistive technology to talk and do other things. I want to give her the option to have those things and live a normal life.”

She takes a sip of her Coke slush and leaves a small drip on the side of her mouth. Before I can think, I wipe my thumb across her lips, catching her off guard—andmyselfoff guard. Her breath hitches, and her eyes follow my thumb.

“I really want to kiss you,” I blurt out. I need to feel her.

“I think I want you to kiss me.”

“Don’t think, Vi.” Before she can answer, I lean across the table and give her a gentle kiss. We’re in public, so I can’t kiss her the way I really want to. I want to grab her hips where that little top exposes her soft skin, throw her down into my bed, and makeher mine, but I can’t do that in the middle of a bowling alley. I break the kiss sooner than I would have liked and lock eyes with the beauty in front of me.

“You’re different than I imagined,” she confesses.

“Good way or bad way?”

“Good way,” she says. I don’t know what this is, but I know one thing for sure. Violet makes me want to be different, and there’s not much I can do about it.

I drive Violet back home and walk her to the door. The possessive part of meneedsto know she made it inside safe.

“I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you for everything,” She inches closer and closer to my chest.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” I can’t help myself. I place my hand on the back of her head and run my fingers through her smooth hair. I bring her mouth to mine. She gasps at the unexpected move, but her body quickly melts into mine, giving me full access to her sweet mouth. The little moans coming out of her during this kiss are absolute torture. I keep reminding myself that I need to be a gentleman and take this slow, but it’sveryhard to do that with her.

She breaks the kiss and lets out a breathy moan. “You can come in.” She gives me the invitation of a lifetime. I hope to God I’m not about to blow this, but I need to force myself to take this slow. For her.

“Vi. I want to– more than you know. I’m dying here, but I want to do right by you.” I whisper and nip her ear.

“I love that about you.”

Before Violet can second guess her word choice, I grab her face and kiss her harder this time. Kisses never meant anything to me before her.

I don’t want to push her too far tonight, but Ireallywant to stay.

“I’ll stay, but I’m stopping myself from losing control. You don’t understand how difficult that is when it comes to you,” I say, rubbing her chin with my calloused thumb. Her shoulders loosen. I need more of her, but before I lift her into my arms and carry her through the door, I whisper quietly into her ear, “I love everything about you.”

***

The next morning, I woke up before Violet. Placing my hand on her flushed cheek causes her eyes to flutter open. I wish I could take a picture of this moment and frame it.

I whisper hoarsely into her ear, “Will you please put me out of my misery and be my girlfriend?”

“Maybe,” she giggles into my chest. Jesus, morning Violet might be hotter than any other version of her. She doesn’t have time to have self doubt or overthink her decisions. She’s just,her. Why is it that everything she does becomes my favorite thing in the world? I’m so beyond gone for this girl.

“I can’t promise I won’t royally screw this up,” I say, grabbing her waist and tossing her on top of me. She straddles my hips, distracting me in the best way. “But I promise to give it everything I have.” She leans down, our faces inches apart, but she doesn’t kiss me.

“Yes, Ryan Shane, I’ll be your girlfriend,” she whispers, gives me a gentle kiss, and rolls back to my side–nuzzling her head into the crook of my arm. My arm goes numb shortly after, but I could care less. I can’t think of a happier moment. After a few moments, we drift into sleep.

18

Violet

Liza: Wyd?

Me: At the apartment working on assignments. Why?

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