Page 47 of Calm Before the Score

“Home? You aren’t in charge of me.”Will he remember any of this tomorrow morning?

“I’m not leaving you here wasted with a bunch of random people who would love to take advantage of the scene you are causing!” I scream, pulling his arms to urge him to leave with me. We can fix this if we get out of here.

“I have nothing anymore. What does it matter? Let them take all the videos they want. I don’t care anymore.”

“Youhadme.” I’m hysterically crying. My body is shaking so much that I could collapse at any moment.Where is Liza? I need to get out of here.

“It was fun while it lasted. It was only a matter of time before you saw the real me and had the opportunity to run. Run, Vi.” His final statement cracks the last piece of my heart into shambles. I need to get out of here before this spirals out of control more than it already has.

I don’t have a clear understanding of the events that transpired tonight, but I know Ryan’s heart, and I refuse to give up on him. With what is left of my dignity, I turn my back and run out of the bar. I collapse on the brick wall outside and cry so hard that I’m choking. I can’t catch my breath. Liza joins me on the cold cement and pulls me in. I can’t form words. The painis too much. It’s all rushing back to me like a tidal wave. Ryan made me believe in something again after my grandpa’s passing. He allowed me to put my trust in someone other than Hartley, and he took a jackhammer to all of it tonight.

Liza doesn’t say anything, but she continues to hold me in a tight embrace. She simply sits with me outside of the bar and lets me break down in her arms. After a while, she stands me up and helps me get to my car. She takes the wheel without hesitation and drives us back to my apartment.

“C.. Co.. Could you-” I try my best to form the question my brain is thinking.

“I’m staying,” she reaches over and gives my thigh a squeeze.

She helps me into my bed and pulls the covers over me.

“I know you can’t talk right now, and I know you’re far from alright, but when you’re ready, I’m here. I’m not leaving. Ok?” I nod my head to acknowledge her words. I’m out of tears for the night, and my soul is painfully dark. I’ve maxed out hate, anger, sadness, and grief. I have nothing left inside.

31

Ryan

The sun hits my barely opened eyes. I’m on the floor of my house in the same clothes I worked out in the day before. There’s trash and alcohol bottles scattered across the main room.Why am I on the floor?Sitting up, I grab my pounding head. My thoughts are unclear and heavy. I reach for my phone on the couch and scroll through endless notifications, mostly from the team.

Mason: Where are you?!

Hartley: What were you thinking?!

Hartley: You’re the stupidest collegiate athlete I’ve ever seen.

Mason: We need to talk.

I can take the heat from my teammates and fans, but one text sends a punch straight to my gut.

Five missed calls fromMom.

Mom:How could you, Ry? Come over.

I can’t face this today. Her text, mixed with the worst hangover imaginable, makes me so sick that I run to the bathroom and vomit for the next hour.

I spent the next few hours piecing yesterday’s hazy events together.Workout, meeting, bar, Violet..

My brain hurts when Violet’s name crosses my mind. I don’t remember everything, but I know it was bad. She hasn’t texted or called. I remember screaming at her and the bartender. Her eyes were glossy and red.She found me, and I treated her like crap.She cared enough to search for me, and I let her down. Whatever picture she created of me in her mind was shattered into pieces last night. She saw a glimpse of the old me. The broken version of myself that pushes away anything and anyone that could hurt me. It’s best for her that she stays far away, but I can’t help the magnetic pull I feel when I’m with that girl. She brings out the best in me. That’s not something I’m willing to give up.

I push her contact number and call her. Each call goes straight to voicemail. Either her phone’s dead, or she’s blocked me. I know I broke her trust in a monumental way, but I need her. It’s selfish, but I’m addicted to her presence. I need to breathe in her intoxicating scent and feel her warmth around my calloused soul. I want to feel her soft, warm skin and her head nuzzled against my chest. I called her three more times with no luck. I need to shower and go to her. I’m positive that I’m the last person she needs or wants to see, but I can’t help myself from trying.

After a hot shower and fresh change of clothes, I drive to my girlfriend’s apartment with full intentions to explain everything and pray that she forgives me.

Is she even my girlfriend anymore after last night?

I’m ready to give her what she needs. I’ve lost everything, and I can’t face the reality of losing her too. I walk up the narrow steps and knock on the door, but I’m not greeted by my lifeline.

“Look who it is.” Hartley grabs my shirt and pushes me out of the entryway to the apartment. His eyes are black, his shoulders are tight, and he’s ready to beat the crap out of me.

“I’ll explain, but I need to see Violet,” I beg. I know the way to my girl is through her best friend, and I’m not above begging.

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