Page 56 of Calm Before the Score

Words elude me at the thoughtful words Ryan expressed in his note. I’m glad he respects my boundaries and gives me space to think about what I want, but he’s showing me he still cares. I want him to find a path and love what he does. He deserves to be happy, with or without me.

I fold the note into a small square and lose myself in the waves for a bit longer before walking to work. Inhaling Paisley’s diffuser’s lavender scent sends a calm blanket over my body. The store is busy this afternoon, so I hop right into customer service mode. The best part of this job is helping each customer find the right book for them. Paisley and I haven’t had a moment to talk between register duty, looking up specific books in our system, and straightening the shelves. After about a half hour, we slowed down for the night.

“Phew, that was wild. I didn’t expect a rush like that tonight,” Paisley says as she fixes books on the center display. It’s where we house the new releases and popular reads for the week.

“I know right? I liked it though. Kept my mind busy,” I reply as I busy my hands filling out online book orders on the store laptop.

“Want to grab a coffee after we close for the night? I’m exhausted and can use some caffeine before I go home to my wild kids,” she chuckles.

“That sounds great. I’ve been in permanent exhaustion mode lately.”

Paisley and I finish closing the shop for the night and head to the coffee shop down the block. The display window of the shop facing the street houses a vintage coffee grinding machine. The aroma permeates throughout the shop with small cafe tables and soft jazz music playing. Paisley orders a black coffee, and I order an iced mocha latte. We wait patiently for our drinks and find a cutout seat in the back.

“So, what’s been going on with you, girly?” Paisley asks hesitantly. I can tell she doesn’t want to open new wounds by bringing up Ryan, but she also cares about my well-being, which I appreciate. We haven’t talked about him or the situation, but everyone knows the basic story.

“Just trying to take it one day at a time. The whole Ryan situation totally blindsided me, so we’re taking a break to figure out what we both want.”

“That’s good. Take care of yourself first, always." She grins and maintains eye contact. "My husband was shocked by the news. Mason came over for dinner a week after the news broke, and he was torn up about it.” She leans forward over the metal table.

“I was, too. It’s been a mess, but he actually left this note by my door this morning.” I pull the note out of my pocket and unfold it tenderly. I didn’t expect to show Paisley, but it wouldn’t hurt to get her opinion. “I love him so much, but I also know I need space.” I pass the worn note over to Paisley, so she can read it.

“Wow, Violet. This is very heartfelt, but I agree with your need for time and space. You are both so young. Don’t rush things. I would give Mason the same advice, but he would never listen to me,” she rolls her eyes.

“I’m happy that he’s putting forth effort to show me that he still cares. I want the best for him.”

“Mason texted my husband about an event this weekend at the community center. Apparently, the team is rallying Springs U Football alums to go. Are you going?”

“What kind of event?” My face scrunches in confusion.

“He said it’s a youth flag football game. Ryan invited the team to go out and watch his team play.”

“Ryan’s team?”

“I thought he would have told you. Mason said that Ryan has been volunteering at the community center twice a week. He signed up to coach the flag football team, and their first game is this weekend.”

“Wow. That is really great.” This is an amazing opportunity for Ryan. I’m glad he didn’t tell me about it. It shows that he’s better himself forhimand not just to salvage our relationship.

“Well, if you want to go, I’ll be there for support. My husband wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She reaches over the table to pat my shoulder.

“Thanks, Paisley. I’ll think about it.” Part of me wants to stay away so I don’t fall back into his arms, but the other part wants to see him in this new role.

36

Ryan

“Alright, guys. We’ve been practicing for two weeks, and now it’s our time to shine.” I huddle the team together for a pre-game pep talk. “Who remembers the most important thing?” I crouch down to their level.

“Winning!” Jett says with a snarky laugh. This kid always needs to be the center of attention. Little Hartley in the making.

“No,” I drag out. “Winning is nice, but it’s not the most important part of the sport.”

A few of the other boys yell out, “Have fun!”

“Yes. Having fun is the key to football. There is no football without fun, and if you make a mistake? Brush it off. Don’t let it ruin your game." They each throw a tiny hand in. My huge one tops the group. "Scorpions on three. One, two, three.”

“Scorpions!”

Taking the field these days looks a lot different than I imagined, but I love every minute of it. A few weeks ago, I googled volunteer opportunities around the area. The community center’s website showed an at-risk youth program. After reading the blurb about the program, I sent the directoran email asking to meet with him to discuss volunteer opportunities. He was a cool guy and knew exactly who I was, being in the media for a hot minute. We talked for hours about football, life, and the program’s needs. He started the program a year ago to help at-risk youth in the area find a purpose. Turns out, we have similar backgrounds–both being raised by a single mom.

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