Page 59 of Calm Before the Score

"Today was everything, Vi," he says, never losing eye contact. "I really appreciate you spending time with me. I don't deserve it, but thank you, anyway." He takes a big gulp and breathes in deeply.

"You deserve everything good that comes to you, Ryan. I hope you can see that one day." I peck a kiss on his cheek before darting out the car and running up the wet stairs into my warm home.

38

Ryan

One Year Later

“Alright, have a great summer! Come prepared to hit the ground running next year with field experience.” My professor sends us on our way to enjoy our summer break away from classes.

I’m not getting much of a break, though. I doubled down on summer courses to make up for the debacle that was my sophomore year at Springs U. None of my credit courses counted since I dropped all of them after the scandal. I’ve kept a low profile this past year. Sports media still uses my story to warn potential NCAA football prospects and current players of the dangers of sports betting. I don’t mind it as much as I used to. The thought of my story keeping other athletes on the straight and narrow brings me peace.

A year ago, I thought my life was over without football. I was ready to throw in the towel on school altogether and settle into the role of the town screw-up. Talking to Violet at the bar all those months ago put things into perspective. She didn’t take meback, and that was a punch straight to the gut. Part of me knew that she wouldn’t fold that easily, but the more optimistic part prayed that she would fall into us again. The truth is, I need her more than she ever needed me. I still do. Her rejection forced me to work on myself. I wanted to become better for her. Be the man she needed in her life.

My path wasn’t heading anywhere, and I needed to find my passion again. I spent those next few weeks at my childhood home. The space from Springs U was good for me, and I needed to decide for myself who I wanted to be. I spent hours researching potential careers, programs, and colleges that would accept me. I even toured local facilities of careers I was interested in to see if it would be a good fit. I made my way through lots of dead ends until I found my passion in the most unexpected place. Bringing my mom to her physical therapy appointments brought a new-found passion to the surface.

As much as I liked the PT office and was interested in how things worked, I never believed I could actually pursue it as a career. Everything changed when one of her therapists told me, “You are a natural at figuring out how her muscles respond to treatment. If you’re interested, you would have a bright future in this field.” That’s all it took for me to dive head-first into physical therapy schools and programs. Luckily, I was accepted into the local community college to finish off my undergrad credits. Next year, I’ll apply to physical therapy schools, and I've never been happier.I still volunteer at the community center. I've developed a bond with those little dudes. They need consistency, and that's what I've given them.

Jumping into my car to head home from the last day of the spring semester, I ceremoniously check my phone. My lips curve into a smile when I see a missed call from Violet. We’ve officially been back together for six months. Six long months without being able to call Violet mine was a special kind of torture,but it helped grow our relationship in the long run. I kept my distance for the first few weeks, but without Violet in my life, a piece of myself would always be missing. Life didn’t feel the same without her in it, but I knew she needed this space. After our lunch date at Pat’s Diner, we began seeing each other once a week. Not kissing or holding her hand was a test of my self-restraint, but I passed with flying colors.

I click her contact, and she answers on the second ring.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey, Vi.” I’m so lucky to have her back in my life. I thought I lost her forever, but as much as I pushed her away with my decisions, she never relented. It was always only ever her, and I wish it didn’t take my stubborn heart this long to realize it.

“How does it feel to be done for the summer?!” she squeals. She doesn’t know it, but I have a big surprise for her.

“So good. Only online classes this summer, so you won’t be able to get rid of me,” I reply with the giddiest smirk only Violet Evans can evoke from me.

“I never want to get rid of you. I would have been gone a long time ago.” There's that smart mouth that I love so much.

“You mouthing off to me, Vi? What happened to the past stays in the past?”

“You know I need to keep you on your toes. I love you, though,” she says. I’m such a sucker, but hearing her say it warms me all over. I need her words to keep me grounded more than ever nowadays. We took one of those little online tests a few weeks ago to see what our love languages are. Turns out mine is words of affirmation and Violet's is acts of service.

“I love you, baby. I’ll call you later when I get home.”

Little does she know, I’m heading straight to her.

39

Violet

Hearing Ryan’s voice makes me mushy inside. He’s always had an effect on me, and no matter how much I tried to push the feeling away, it always came back.

After that night at the bar where he spilled his guts to me, I was so lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or needed and fell into a loop of obsessive behavior. My ticks got worse. The sleepless nights grew longer, and my mind had no off switch. The ruminating thoughts kicked up a notch. After a month of torture, Hartley finally forced me to get help. He was seriously concerned for my well-being.

We researched doctors around the area and fielded which ones I would feel most comfortable with. Finally, I found Dr. Heally. To say she’s changed my life is an understatement. I’ve been through a few therapists and never stuck with one. That is, until Dr. Heally. I always thought my issues were too deep and complicated for anyone to unwind, but Dr. Heally did. She's helped me work through the root of my OCD and anxiety. We’ve practiced coping mechanisms to use when things feel out of control inside my mind.

Every day isn’t perfect. I have ups and downs, high days and low days, but the difference is I now have the confidence to face them on my own. I’ve always relied on others to be my backbone. My trust wasn’t easily given, but once you had it, I had unwavering loyalty to you. Broken trust sliced me open and bled me out. We’ve worked through that, too. I realized how hard the situation with Ryan must have been for him, and I acknowledge that I didn’t handle the aftermath in the best way. Even though he broke my trust, he’s only ever had himself to rely on. That’s a huge cross to bear. The six months spent working on myself and my inner demons were the best thing to ever happen to me. It killed me to cut contact with Ryan during that time, but I needed it for myself and my mind. I couldn’t be what he needed back then, and the time apart did him good as well.

“Hart! Want to grab pizza for dinner? I’ll call Liza to come!” I scream to my bestie from the couch. He’s lounging in his bedroom, scrolling his phone.

“Nah. I think I'll chill here tonight. Not feeling up to going out,” he says soberly. Something has been up with him the past few days. To say they've gotten themselves into a sticky situation is the understatement of the century.And they said my love life was complicated. Ugh.

“Ok. I’ll order in. Wings?”

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