Page 62 of Flame After the Fumble

“That’s adorable.”

“Yeah. We’re both screwed up.” He chuckles.

Hartley and I settle on the metal swings. I can’t remember the last time I saw, much less played on, a metal swing. This one has character. Rust crawls up the chain links like a vine, carving years of laughter and memories.

“While Violet was off talking to the birds, I was here. . .”

“Doing what?”

“Thinking. Losing myself in what ifs.”

“That will eat you alive,” I say, wrapping my hand around his as rust flakes off the handles. “What haunted you?”

“What if I’m never good enough. What if I let her down. What if my mom was right to leave. . .”

Dragging my feet through the sand beneath to slow my swing down, I jolt my head his way. “She wasn’t.”

“You don’t. . .”

“I do know. I also know you wouldneverlet Violet down. You saved her.”

He flips his hat around and cracks his knuckles once more, no sound coming from his calloused hands. Barely audible, he releases what’s been on his mind, “What if I let you down.”

“Hart, that’s too much pressure. You can’t take on the world. No one expects you to.”

“I want to be that guy for you. The one that takes everything on.” He stares off across the park, kicking small rocks under his feet as the swing rocks forward. “The one that loses himself in the one he loves.”

Coming out more aggressive than anticipated, I snap, “I don’t want that.” His eyes haze with confusion. “I’m sorry. I. . I meant I don’t want a prince or knight in shining armor. I want apartner. Someone who can go to battle with me. An equal.”

His chest heaves as he exhales an audible breath. “I could do that.”

“You already have,” I reply, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“I’m new to this,” He points at me and then back at himself, “boyfriend thing. I’ve never wanted a girl like I want you.”

“Want to know a secret?” I ask.

“Hit me.”

“You’re my first love.” I stare down, unable to face the passion in his eyes when he looks at me likethat.

“No,” he argues. “You loved Layne.”

“I thought I did.” I nod with finality. “But, now I know I didn’t.”

“How do you know it’s different?”

“Loving Layne felt like what I wassupposedto do. He was my boyfriend. We’d been together for a long time, and I thought that’s what it should be like. He’d planned our entire lives out, and I went with every plan.”

“Why’s that?” he questions with no judgment in his tone.

“That’s the thing. I don’t know. I put my dreams on the backburner for him. My sole purpose in life was to follow him and make him happy.” My eyes mist at the memories of broken promises, false love, and dreams being taken away from me before I’d had the chance to reach for them. “With you, it’s an all-consuming love. One that feels like breathing life into my lungs for the first time.”

His lopsided smile cracks through the hard exterior. Words of affirmation do it for him. “One where I don’t need to suppress my goals or be anyone other than myself.”

He doesn’t reply or fill the silent void with any fluff words. His energy tells me everything I need to know. I’ve got him, and he’s got me for the long haul.

41

---