Page 144 of The Drummer

“You guys sounded great. Unbelievable, actually,” Callie says, while I close and lock the door.

“You think?” Luke replies.

“Absolutely. As a rabid fangirl, totally impressed.”

Luke’s laugh is thin, but doesn’t sound forced. “Well, good. Thanks for guarding the door.”

“Any time.”

“So what’s this new piece?” I cut in before we small-talk our way out of the real conversation.

Callie offers a tight smile as she pulls out her laptop and places it on the island. Luke and I slide onto the stools and wait.

A heaviness settles over Callie’s face as she scans the screen. Her gaze lifts to us, and I can tell she’s wrestling with something.

“Watching you guys together, how incredible you were, and yet, thinking that it was almost lost… I was… I don’t know. So full of love and fear and regret at the same time.” She blinks back emotion, and I resist the urge to go to her. This is her moment, her message.

“Do you two even know how amazing you are?” she continues in an urgent tone. “I mean, not just individually, but together. I had no idea. It was breathtaking and so sad at the same time.”

Her words smash into me. Everything I felt over the course of that rehearsal comes racing back. But it’s more than fear this time. Callie’s confession breathes validation into the moment as well.

And hope.

I don’t have words for the complex feelings twisting inside me. Luke seems lost in thought as well.

“I wrote this for both of you,” she says, inhaling deeply. “It’s called ‘Laughing Stock.’”

She spins the laptop toward us, and we lean forward in unison.

There’s a tension in the room. A saturated mix of anticipation and fear as we confront her words. Those tiny poetic scalpels that always seem to cut to the heart of feelings we’ve barely acknowledged.

“It’s not funny how far you’ve strayed, I’ll say it one time

I can tell by your smile you know I’m right,

still you hide behind the lie.

It’s not funny how far you’ve strayed, I’ll say it this time.

I can tell by your eyes you know what I mean,

still you find a reason to fight, but you’ll never cry.

How can you believe it’s easier to be alone than feel loved?

You fear the embrace of a friend, yet welcome your enemies’ hands as they beat down.

You listen for proof that no one understands you, but we do

And it’s killing me.

It’s not funny to see how well you ignore the signs

By the pain in your eyes I can see you’re fading.

Still you try, you’re losing the fight.

You’re no better for falling apart

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