Page 145 of The Drummer

Being alone won’t make you stronger

You’ll fall harder the more space you put between us

But I’ll catch you, oh I’ll catch you.

How can you believe it’s easier to feel alone than feel loved?

You fear the embrace of a friend, yet welcome your enemies’ hands as they beat down.

You listen for proof that no one understands you, but I do

And it’s killing me. It’s killing me!

It’s not funny how far you’ve strayed, just listen this one time

Look in my eyes and see how I love you.”

I can’t breathe for several seconds. My gaze scans the words over and over, but I’m not reading them. I don’t have to. I felt them. Every syllable. Every gouge carving out the core of what I feel, what I’vefelt,but never found the words to explain it. Or had the courage to express them even if I had.

But she does.

This force who burst into our lives and exploded the barriers protecting the shadows that kept us apart.

Luke is deathly quiet. He’s staring at the screen like I am, but he’s not reading either. My pulse races as I wait to see what he does with this. Everything in me knows he’s going to run. He’ll scurry back to his room and hide from the uncomfortable truth until he’s able to rebuild the fortress around his pain.

I’m going to lose him again.

I see it in the way his fingers claw at his knee.

The way his gaze shifts in absent torment.

He’s going to run.

He’ll leave me alone with these devastating words and a shattered heart and a fucking abscess in my soul that will?—

“Is it true?” His tormented gaze locks on me, and small explosions detonate inside me at the surprise connection.

I inhale a sharp breath. I wasn’t ready for him to stay. I don’tknow what to do with the question I’ve been waiting for since Elena’s death.

Is it true?

I can’t speak. Tears burn behind my eyes.

Is it true?

It doesn’t even matter what truth he’s referring to. The answer is yes. It’s true. It’s all fucking true. Every last painful word and thought. Feeling and memory that I can’t shake no matter how hard I fight.

I want to say it, but the only words for this are already on that screen. Nothing I say will be more true than that.

He shifts in his stool, and my heart cracks apart.

He’s going to run, and this time, there’s no way he’ll come back.

A moment like this is too important to undo.

He slides off the stool. I brace for the sting.

But instead of moving left toward escape, he covers the short distance between us. Instead of pushing me away, he pulls me into a tight embrace.

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