Page 152 of The Drummer

Luke’s nerves are evident in the first take of his vocal, unsettling me as well. He ends late on the verses and comes in too early on the choruses, making the turns feel compacted. The musical vibe of this song is all about tense anticipation, so that won’t work.

“Thoughts?” Jon asks after we listen back.

Luke shuffles at the mic, so I know he’s thinking what I am.

“Can we run it again? The turns need work,” I shout loud enough for Jon to hear me through Luke’s mic.

“Of course. It sounded a little rushed. I’m loving the track overall, though.”

“Thanks,” Luke says with a weak smile.

His gaze brushes mine, and I wince at the apology there. It hurts like hell.

If only he knew what it means to me that he’s even here.

“You got this, man,” my voice says. My eyes have a much deeper message, and he inhales a shuddered breath.

I pretend to make some adjustments on my keyboard to give him time to center himself.

He’s so fucking brave. I can’t imagine what’s going through his head right now, especially after our conversation the other night.

His gaze keeps skimming the room like he’s searching for something.

My heart clenches when I realize what.Who.

I pull in a steadying breath of my own.

“You ready?” I ask quietly.

He closes his eyes. With a deep exhale, he nods.

“Yeah. Let’s do it.”

This time, he fucking slays it.

Callie jumpsup from the couch when we return to the control room. Her bright smile diffuses the heaviness in my chest as much as the foam walls diffuse the sound.

While the assistant engineer sets up my kit in the tracking room, I have a few minutes to enjoy the moment with my girlfriend. Not gonna lie, my nerves are winding up at the thought of her finally seeing me do this for real. Everything up until now were literal practice runs.

This is where the artist in me comes out, and the pressure squeezing my ribs is making it hard to breathe.

Because it’s not just about the music. My perfectionist brain puts enough strain on myself when it comes to producing my art, but this is different. This is monumental. Destiny changing.

This is my story and Luke’s reuniting in an epic collision.

My journey with Callie finding its footing in a lasting partnership.

These next few moments represent all the most important aspects of my life converging into one room. One drum kit that suddenly seems woefully insufficient.

My pulse pounds when Jon sends me back to the tracking room to record. I stare at the kit for several long seconds, stuck between the past and the present.

Even after forcing myself to the seat, I’m feeling lost. I’ve sat in this position thousands of times, and yet, it feels completely out of sync now. Nothing is the right height when I test out the kit. Everything sounds off.

I know they’re all watching, judging, waiting with expectation. My limbs tingle with anxiety.

Jon calls for mic checks on all the drums, and the fog in my head only gets worse.

The kick is too boxy. The snare too tight. The stick clicks on the hi-hats are too sharp, and the toms… Nothing is right about the toms.

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