Page 11 of Tracing Holland

“Wow, that’s awful.I’m sorry to hear that.”I pause.“Just tell me what you need.I’ll talk to Tess and make sure you’re covered.”

She seems surprised when she glances over, and I’m uncomfortable at the evidence of her low expectations of me.

“Oh, wow.Ok, thanks.Yeah, we’ll need a backline tech.At least for tonight.”

I nod.“Done.Gary’s great.He’ll help you out.”

She still seems like she’s confused by my generosity, and I look away.

“Great show last night,” I continue before it gets more awkward.

“Thank you for checking it out!I’m so honored.It was like having Beethoven sit in on your piano recital,” she laughs, following me to the drink table.

I smirk.“Um…yeah right.More like Beethoven grabbing coffee with Hayden.Anyway, I didn’t really have a choice.Callie said I’d regret it if I didn’t.”

Holland laughs.“Callie is awesome.I freaking love her.”

I grin.We finally agree on something.“She’s the best.”I fill my coffee cup and move so she has access.“I wanted to tell you, I love how you transition from ‘Perfect Storm’ to ‘Answers.’It’s genius.”

“Really?You think so?Thank you,” she replies, almost shy.I’m not sure how to respond, so I just watch her as she makes her own drink selection.Callie’s ruined me forever when it comes to observing people and their food choices.The term “fruit cup” still makes me smile.

Holland goes for coffee, two creamers.

“We played around with a few different ideas,” she continues, and I love her sudden animation when she talks music.The same thing happens to Casey.It used to happen to me also.Maybe it will again one day.“There’s a key change, so Wes wanted to just modulate up like normal, but then I thought, why not tie in the ‘Acrobat’ hook instead?Then we can finish with the full version of ‘Acrobat’ at the end of the set.”

“I love it.It works really well.I couldn’t catch all of the end, but I totally see that coming together.”

She gives me another smile and moves away from the table.I’m about to find my own when she calls me back with, “you wanna sit?”

Shocked, I pause for a moment before following her.I take the seat across from her at a table away from the others.

“I’m sorry again about yesterday.On the bus,” she begins, almost embarrassed.“That was so awkward and totally my fault.You were being nice, so thank you for that.How was your movie?Were you able to get any rest?”

I force a weak smile.“I ended up not watching one.Went for a walk instead.”It’s not entirely a lie.

She takes a sip of her coffee.“Oh, ok.Well, that must have been nice.Get some fresh air and stretch a bit.”

I swallow, unable to look at her.“Yeah.Um…so how’s your writing going?”I ask quickly.I used all my tears yesterday.I have no interest in going there again.

She sighs.“Fine, if you count the fact that I have a chorus I love and two verses I despise.”

I laugh.“You know it took me a month and a half to come up with a decent verse for ‘Forget Me.’”

Her eyes widen.“Over a month?Are you serious?I love ‘Forget Me!’”

I grin.“Well, you wouldn’t have before, believe me.I could not get the word ‘forever’ out of my head.I kept wanting to rhyme it with ‘never’ but it just wasn’t working and completely blocked any other possibility.Casey was pissed because the music was so good, but I could not get the lyrics to work.”

It’s her turn to laugh and shake her head.“Oh man, I totally hear you.I once got stuck on ‘cross-stitch.’”

I can’t hold in my snort and actually have to set my drink down.“Wait, what?Cross-stitch?How was that even in the running in the first place?”

She grins and covers her face.“I know!I have no idea.I was trying to explore this idea of two souls weaving themselves into a fabric, and after ending the previous line with ‘chase it,’ my brain insisted on using the word ‘cross-stitch’ for whatever reason.”

I laugh again and return to my coffee.“I mean, it kind of works then, I guess,” I offer with another smile.“Guess we’re both shitty songwriters.”

She returns my grin, her blue eyes making a direct connection with mine.I suck in my breath at the sudden, volatile reaction of my body.Racing pulse, blood rushing to places it hasn’t in a long time.Shit.What is happening?

I wonder if she feels it too when she quickly looks away.There’s a tangible distance again, and I swallow.

---