Page 21 of Tracing Holland

I laugh.“Bring something back for him.He can clean up in the sink on the bus.”

She gives me a look.“Not a chance.There’s no way I’m rewarding this behavior.”

“Ok, sorry!It was just a suggestion,” I smirk, holding up my hands in surrender.I focus back on my lunch, relieved it’s just us and a few crewmembers at the moment.I miss my conversations with Callie.She has this way of looking inside you when she’s there, turning the conversation into more than just words.Those first few days at Jemma’s...she rewired my life with her piercing engagement.I love spending time with her, being in her calming presence, and we haven’t had many opportunities for that these last couple weeks.So yeah, I’m annoyed when she ruins our rare moment alone by bringing up the one topic that can unhinge me.

“How are things with Holland?”

I stare over at her in surprise, maybe irritation.“Huh?”

She rolls her eyes.“Come on.She’s like the one person in the universe who can understand every aspect of your being.The spotlight, the pressure, the music, everything.You two must be hitting it off.If you haven’t yet, you need to get on that, like, yesterday.”

I shake my head in disbelief.“None of your damn business,” I return lightly.

She rolls her eyes with a smile.“Whatever.She’s hot, too.Like, smokin’.You can’t do any better, Luke.”

My eyes widen, and she only shrugs.

“What?She is!She’s sweet, and smart, and talented, and…”

“Callie, please.It’s not happening, ok?”

“What’s not?”

“Whatever it is you’re trying to make happen.It’s not going to happen.”

She huffs and glares at her plate.“I’m not trying to make anything happen.You know I wouldn’t rush you.I just…” She stops and glances back up at me, all the humor gone from her face.“I just hope you’re going to be fair to yourself, that’s all.”

Her words hit me hard.“Fair?What are you talking about?”

She leans forward and gazes straight into me.“You deserve to be loved.You deserve friends.You deserve to let someone in.I’m not saying it has to be Holland, but if it is, you need to let it happen.”

I laugh then.I know it’s just a defensive reaction, but it’s so absurd.Talking about love after all this time.Talking about loving Holland Drake of all people.And I thought Callie understood me.Crap, if she doesn’t, I’m completely screwed.

“Thanks, Cal, but seriously, you can’t worry about that.”

She looks hurt.“Worry about what?”

“You know what I mean.Me.Love.Dating.All that shit.It’s…” I stop.It’s what?I don’t know.It just feels wrong, pointless.

Now, she’s annoyed.“I’m not worried about anything, Luke.I would never rush you or pressure you into a relationship!I just know you.I know how you punish yourself and deny yourself anything that could remotely lead to happiness.I’m calling you out on your self-denial because I’m afraid that’s what I’m seeing here.This is a ‘get real’ moment.”

I laugh when the grin spreads across her lips.

“Oh, yeah?Is this Callie Roland Straight Talk?”

She leans back and crosses her arms.“Yep, exactly.Callie Roland Straight Talk time.Just promise me you’re not going to push Holland away if she starts to get close.That’s all I’m asking.You don’t have to date her.You don’t have to fall in love with her.Just don’t push her away if there’s a connection, that’s all.You deserve to be understood.”

I chuckle at that, I can’t help it.I know I’m pissing her off, but she has no clue how ridiculous this whole conversation is.“Callie, I love you, you know that.And I love that you care so much, but please, you’re way off on this.Holland is great, I totally agree with you, but there’s nothing for me to push away, ok?We’ve had a couple conversations and might be friends one day, I don’t know, but she’s not into rockers, and I totally respect that.It’s a wise move on her part.She faces enough of a stigma as a woman in this business.She doesn’t need that kind of drama or gossip in her life.And let’s face it, it doesn’t get any more dramatic than hooking up with Luke Craven while on tour.”

Callie is actually glaring at me now, and I have no idea how to explain this any better.

“She told you that?She actually said she wasn’t into rockers,” she challenges, and I laugh.

“Honestly, yes.She did.”

“I don’t believe you.When?”

“Yesterday.”

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