Page 31 of Tracing Holland

“I have time,” she says, and the gentleness in her voice soothes some of the resistance inside me.

Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath.“Maybe some of it is worth talking about.”

“Then let’s talk about it.”

I hateto admit that I feel a lot better after my impromptu counseling session with my therapist, Dr.Flynn.If you would have told me a year ago, hell, at any point in my life, that I’d not only call a shrink to help me through a crisis, but actually be glad I did, I would have laughed.No, I would have punched you.But man, it works sometimes.Talking.Having someone understand without judgment.Letting them give you perspective because god knows your perspective can get so screwed up you can’t even see a straight line let alone walk it.

I’m interrupted by knocking again, but this time, manage to roll out of bed and make my way to the door.It’s Callie, with a bag of something and a hyper-concerned look on her face.I still don’t want to leave my island, but I’ve been a dick long enough over the last few hours and open the door.

“Oh my gosh!”she cries, throwing her arms around me.I know she has dozens of questions loaded to fire at me, but I’m grateful she holds off.Instead, her embrace tells me everything I need to know about how worried she was and relieved she is to be here now.“I brought you breakfast,” she mumbles into my chest.

I force a smile.“Thank you.I’m ok,” I assure her.She pulls away and looks up at me, searching my eyes.I can’t tell if she believes me, but she at least accepts my answer.She pulls out her phone.

“Ok.I’m going to let Casey know you’re all right.We were all really worried.”

“I’m fine.I was just tired,” I lie.I’m fixed now.No point reliving the whole thing again.Ok fine, not fixed, but fixed enough.By the end we’d traded the word “train-wreck” for “setback.”That’s a freaking miracle in itself.

“The hotel had these cute breakfast-to-go bags.Since you missed dinner, I was pretty sure you’d be hungry.”

“Yeah, I am a little.Thanks.”

She’s still staring but I don’t want to invite her in.If I do, I’ll have to talk, and that’s not happening.

“Hey, I was just about to jump in the shower,” I lie again.I feel badly, but it’s more for her sake than mine.“Catch up with you later?”

She gives me a weak smile.She knows I’m in one of my “moods,” I can tell.“Sure, yeah.We’re all going over to the outlets.You should come.”

I cringe at the thought of another group outing with Wes and the gang.“Thanks, but I think I’m just going to hang around the hotel a bit today.The pools and hot tubs looked pretty sweet.”

“They are.We were down there last night.We tried to get you to join us.”

“I know.Thanks for thinking of me.”

She scrunches her face.“Thanks for thinking of you?Seriously?Ugh, you drive me crazy sometimes,” she mutters, and I grin.

“Sorry.”

“Of course we think of you, silly!Ok, well, I’ll let you shower and do your thing…although, really?Shower before going in the pool?”

I shrug, and she shakes her head.“Whatever.You better do dinner with us tonight though, ok?”

“I will,” I assure her.She seems to relax a bit at that.

“Fine.Call us if you change your mind about the outlets.I think they want to head out in an hour or so.”

I’m pretty committedto my idea of not going to the outlets, and head down to the pools instead once I’m sure it’s safe.There isn’t a lot of activity around the pools yet, which works nicely for me as I lower myself into an unoccupied hot tub.I close my eyes and rest my head on the concrete edge, loving the sound of the waves and feel of the warm water embracing every part of my body.Even better is the way the peace of both transports me out of my head to a place where I can get some much needed relief from the constant storm.

It doesn’t last long.

“Fancy meeting you here.”The voice crashes into my serenity, and my body reacts like it always does when she’s close.Oh shit, especially in that bikini.

“Morning.You didn’t want to go to the outlets?”I ask, somehow managing not to sound remotely as unbalanced as I feel.

She laughs and descends into the water with me.The struggle intensifies as she brushes past but she mercifully sits across from me, far out of reach.

“Nah, we’re at the beach!I can shop anywhere.What about you?”

I shrug and close my eyes again.“Same, I guess.I was afraid I’d be as bad at outlet shopping as I am at mini golf.My ego can’t handle another blow.”

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