Page 49 of Tracing Holland

He looks away, clearly uncomfortable.“I’m trying to figure out how you were in Club Castor in Atlantic City when we were parked in Charlotte, North Carolina.”

He meets my gaze again, and I can tell he’s not coming from a place of hostility.He’s legitimately confused by the photos, by me.

I take a deep breath.Is this it?Dr.Flynn wanted me to tell the truth to a friend.I never in a million years would have thought Jesse Everett would be my first attempt at honesty, but here it goes.It kind of helps that the lie didn’t work on him.

“Ok, fine, the truth?It’s because I wasn’t in Club Castor in Atlantic City while we were parked in Charlotte.I was in Club Castor almost two years ago on our Bittersweet tour.”

I can’t tell if that cleared anything up.He looks just as confused, if not more so.

“So the pictures are fake?”he asks.

I shake my head.“No, they’re real.They’re just two years old.”

“So your phone got hacked?”

I suck in my breath.Jesse might be a genius.He’s just given me an out for the masses, but that doesn’t help me now.My instinct is to accept the perfect lie, but I manage to catch it on my tongue.Dr.Flynn would kill me if I screwed this up after having it gift-wrapped and handed to me.

“Well, not exactly,” I begin.“It’s complicated, but basically, I’m the one who leaked them,” I explain, and his face looks about what you’d expect when you politely inform someone you’re a total idiot.As the words slip out, it occurs to me that the lie is way more plausible than the truth.

“Um…wow.Ok...”

I sigh.“I know, it’s totally messed up, but you saw the shit they were saying about Callie and I figured if they were talking about me, they’d leave her alone.It was stupid, but it kind of worked.”

He just stares at me for a moment, eyes wide.“Shit, man.That is totally fucked up.”

I laugh.“Yeah.Yeah, it is.Don’t ever do something like that.Totally stupid,” I warn.Yes, Jesse, don’t be a complete moron who leaks your own social death sentence.Mentor of the Year right here.

“Got it.Still, you obviously haven’t told anyone else.They’re all really upset.”

I look away.“Not yet, but I will.And we’ll tell the rest of the world that my phone got hacked.Thanks for that.”

He smiles.“No problem.You should probably hurry though because it’s going to come out soon that those pictures aren’t legit.I mean, Club Castor, man?You could have picked a less obvious spot.”He laughs and shakes his head.“It’s almost like you wanted to get caught.”

I shrug with a sheepish grin.He’s probably right.I wouldn’t put anything past my subconscious at this point.“I was pretty pissed about what was happening to Callie.Wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”

“Well, I still think that’s totally messed up, but kind of awesome in a way.Thanks for letting me know.I got your back.”

I start to warm inside a bit.I don’t hear that a lot, but I have to admit it feels good.“Hey, thanks, Jess.And remember to think of a way to return the favor to Eli and Sweeny,” I respond with a smile.

He grins.“Oh, don’t worry.We got this.”

I makethe difficult phone call to TJ after leaving the Limelight dressing room.The Label needs the truth, well, most of it, and Jesse’s brilliance will give them much-needed direction for their PR spin.They’ll like that part at least.

I leave Callie and her situation out of the story.I don’t need them resenting her for something stupid I did, something that she’d be just as upset about.TJ is shocked, then furious when I tell him I signed my own death warrant for no apparent reason, but he’s at least grateful I’m only guilty of being an idiot, not sliding down the cliff again.He agrees the phone-hack defense could work and is going to call the Label next to see what they can do to fix this mess.

I feel better when I hang up.Maybe the truth is turning out to be an improvement over the lie after all.I glance down at my phone and cringe at the string of texts and missed calls from Callie and Casey.They’ve been trying to get ahold of me for a while now, but I just haven’t been ready to face them.Maybe now I can.They need the truth too, probably more than any of the others, but for some reason I’m finding that hurdle the hardest.It went well with Jesse, ok with TJ, but I’m still not ready.I know I haven’t totally fractured that relationship beyond repair yet, and I’m afraid of messing up what’s left.I’m still skeptical of this honesty thing, transparency.I need to test out the madness on one more person, one more trial in this messed up experiment.

Time to see what this Truth thing does for the one relationship I’ve totally fucked up.

I’m prettysure she won’t see me if I give her a warning, so I decide to surprise her with my unwelcome presence.I have to check several locations and make a few inquiries before finally finding myself standing outside of Holland’s dressing room.I still can’t believe I’m here, and the only thing giving me the courage to knock is the fact that I have nothing left to lose with her.

She seems irritated when she answers the door, but no longer ready to scratch my eyes out, so I take some solace in that.

“Luke, hi,” she says, obviously taken aback.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”I respond, my stomach suddenly turning painfully at what’s about to happen.I’ve officially punched my ticket into unknown territory, and I’m hit more than ever by the fact that I have no clue how to do this.

“Um…I guess.Sure, come in.”

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