Page 5 of Tracing Holland

“I thought you were giving the speech, babe!”Casey says.

“Me?Why would I give the speech?”

“I don’t know!”he returns in exasperation.“This whole ginger ale thing was your idea!”

“It’s a good idea!I just don’t think I should be the one giving the speech.”

“Well, why would we toast ourselves?”

“You do it all the time!”

I laugh, I can’t help it, and put an end to their argument.“Ok, fine, I’ll give the speech,” I say, and I can tell they’re surprised.Even after all this time, as far as we’ve come over the last few months, they still seem shocked any time I demonstrate even an ounce of interest in acting like a human being.I try not to be annoyed.

“A dark road traveled is not a dark road lost when light turns dark into a path.Labor on, oh weary one, for the end has come now that the journey’s begun.”

There’s silence as they stare at me, and I almost feel shy.

“What’s that from?”Callie asks, her gaze searching mine.

I swallow.“Tuesday night.”

I swear there’s a glisten in her eyes as she nods.“Well, ok then,” she says quietly, clinking my glass.“To the new journey.”

“I love it, man,” Casey says, touching my glass as well.

We all take a sip.

“That would make one hell of a cat poster.”

I laugh as Callie smacks him.

Molly joinsus about an hour later, and I get a huge hug.She’s a sweet girl, and is one of Casey’s closest siblings.She’s never blamed me for Elena the way most of his family did, although no one blamed me more than my own aunt.I haven’t spoken to her since that day, since the news broke.The day she left me a message saying no one who could do that to an angel like Elena would be family to her.

I guess it hurt at the time.I mean, I was such a mess during those first few months it’s impossible to tell which dagger slicing into your gut is the one causing the fatal bleeding.My aunt actually told me it should have been me.She always loved Elena.Thought I didn’t deserve her.She wasn’t the only one.I still believe that.I’m not sure there’s enough therapy on this planet to ever change that.

I’m happy Casey and Molly have the chance to connect while we’re in Houston, but family reunions don’t work the same for me.Molly looks a little bit like her.Ok, a lot like her, the way her eyes light up when she smiles.The texture of her hair.Her laugh.Of course it’s not her fault she’s bringing it all back, and I try to stay polite and positive during the visit, but the earlier heaviness returns as a concrete block.

“Sorry I wasn’t able to make it to your show tonight,” she says.“I bet it was amazing.”

“It was,” Callie confirms.“I’m Callie, by the way.”

“I figured.So nice to finally meet you,” Molly responds, exchanging a warm hug with her before smacking her brother.“Thanks for introducing us, jerk.”

Casey shrinks a bit with a sheepish grin.“Sorry!You figured it out.”

She rolls her eyes and turns back to Callie.“Anyway, thank you for giving my brother a reason to actually call us.Even though all we ever get is Callie, Callie, Callie, it’s nice to hear his voice more than once a year.”

“Oh, please!I actually went home for Christmas last year!”Casey points out.

“Uh, no.You needed a place to crash when you came home to play that show at the Towne Centre.”

“Whatever.I was still home.”

“Except you wouldn’t even come to dinner at Mom and Dad’s.”

Callie and I exchange a look as they argue, and she casts me an amused grin.I try to return it, but I’m having a lot of trouble with this conversation, with Molly.I can’t stop staring at her hair.I wish she’d cut it.I wish she didn’t allow her long, dark locks to flow down her back in gentle waves just like Elena used to do.When she turns her back to continue yelling at Casey, I almost choke.

“So, Luke, how have you been?”she asks, suddenly confronting me.My heart starts racing, something akin to panic mounting in my chest, and I have no idea what to do with it.I don’t understand what’s happening, just that I can’t focus all of a sudden, breathe in enough oxygen.I blink.

---