Page 59 of Tracing Holland

“Oh, shut up.I can tell when a woman’s faking it,” I bark, and she laughs.

She becomes serious as she takes my hand and kisses my fingers.“Luke, I know how hard that was for you.The significance of this moment.I can’t tell you how happy I am right now that I got to share it with you.I don’t take it lightly.”

I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, reminded yet again how much I don’t deserve this woman but I’m certainly going to fight to try.

“Do you know how much I wish I could say she was my last?That you were the first since Elena?”I confess quietly, opening my eyes again to meet her compassionate gaze.“But she wasn’t, Holland.She wasn’t even in the last twenty probably.We’d degraded way before her death, and then afterwards, I completely self-destructed.I don’t even know what happened those first couple months, only that there were lots of girls and substances to keep me numb.And then, I just stopped living altogether.Over a year of complete darkness.”

She squeezes my hand.“You’re not that person anymore.”

“I’m trying not to be anyway.”

“Exactly.Which means you’re not.”

I grin and adjust so I can wrap my arms around her and hold her against me.

“Hey, Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“You know I was kidding, right?That was amazing.You are amazing.”

“Wait until I’m back in full form.”

She laughs and twists to face me.“Interesting… And how long will that take?”

I shrug with a grin.“I don’t know.Depends how much practice I get.”

I love her look as she studies me.“Really…well, we don’t have a show for four days.Think the others would miss us?”

“Pretty sure Wes would,” I tease, and she flinches.

“Yeah, true…how are you feeling, anyway?”she asks, her eyes changing as she traces the bruise on my ribs.“I was afraid I was hurting you.This one looks pretty bad.”

“That’s funny, because I was loving the fact that I didn’t feel it for a brief moment.You’re a great doctor.”

She laughs and swats at my arm.“For masking pain with sex?Pretty sure they have another name for that.”

I roll my eyes.“Oh, whatever.You know I didn’t mean that.”

“No, but I gotta say, as much as I hate to admit this, because what you and Wes did was totally immature and stupid, badass Luke is pretty damn hot.I can’t believe you took a punch and fought for me.”

I laugh and shake my head.“It’s not like Wes really gave me a choice.”

“Who swung first?”

“This feels like a trick question.”

“It’s not!I just want to know.”

I sigh.“I’m pretty sure I did.”

“Pretty sure?”

“It happened really fast.I don’t know.”

“Has it been sixteen months since your last fight too?”

I glance at her in amused disbelief, and she returns a shy smile.

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