Page 68 of Tracing Holland

“Even Elena hated it and suggested she try a different recipe next time,” Casey finishes for me.I give him a weak smile as the heaviness starts to overwhelm me again.

Holland clears her throat.“Well, then, I guess you don’t have to bring us any of that,” she remarks, squeezing my arm.

And air finally makes its way back into my lungs.

I don’t knowwhy I even bothered hoping we’d be able to sneak into the gathering unnoticed.I swear every conversation dies as we come into view, every eye converging on us.I’ve never felt so exposed in my entire life, and my heart sinks as I take in the crowded deck and surrounding patio.It’s not just Nate, Abby, and Molly.It’s everyone, all of them, and the panic begins to mount as my brain and body clue in to the fact that hell’s about to break loose now, not tomorrow like I’d been bracing for.I wasn’t ready for twenty-four hours from now, let alone twenty-four seconds.

“Shit,” Casey mutters, and we exchange a quick glance before he plasters his signature grin on his face.

Molly makes the first move and comes running over, throwing herself into her big brother’s arms.

“You made it!”she cries.“Thank you.”Her huge smile fades when her eyes rest on me.I read every bit of concern in her expression, and try to steady my breathing.“Luke, hey.You came too.”

“Of course I did,” I manage.She smiles again, sweet, genuine, and gives me a hug as well.“Well, I’m glad you’re here, but…” she stops and glances back at our audience.I can’t even begin to do the same.“She’s here, Luke,” she whispers, searching my eyes.“They’re all here.I didn’t know you were coming or…”

I force a smile.“I know.It’s ok.I’m here to face them.”

She stares at me, they all are now, and I finally dare a glance at the crowd.

“You sure, man?”Casey asks, clearly hesitant.

“Better here than at the church, right?”I reason.He seems to understand, but neither of us has any illusions that there’s a “better” in any of this.

I can’t even look at Holland and Callie.

“Hi, everyone,” Casey announces, leading us toward the line of gaping stares.“Good to see you all.This is my girlfriend, Callie, for those of you who haven’t met her yet.Oh, and my good friend, Holland.Of course you all know Luke.”He climbs the stairs of the deck with his animated Casey Barrett spring and surveys one of the well-stocked food tables.“Aunt Marjorie!Your deviled eggs.Fantastic!Cal, you have to try these,” he calls, waving Callie over.She gives me an apologetic shrug before following Casey’s lead, and I try to remain steady.I know Holland is watching me, waiting to see what I do next.Hell, they all are, but I have no idea where to go from here.Molly, ever sensitive, loops her arm in mine and leads me forward as well.

“How was your trip in?”she asks, both of us pretending we’ll actually succeed at making small talk right now.

“Fine, thanks.No delays.”

“That’s great.Holland, it’s so nice of you to come to support Casey.”

Holland’s smile looks a lot more vibrant and genuine than anything that could come out of me at the moment.“Casey always seems to be there for those who need him.Of course we had to jump in when he needed us.”

Molly is clearly touched and glances back at her older brother.“He has a huge heart.”

“So I’m learning.I’m sorry, what was your name again?Are you Molly?”Holland asks as we reach the stairs also.

She laughs and nods.“Yeah, Molly Barrett.Sorry.My brother may have a huge heart, but he sucks at manners.”

Holland grins.

“Luke, hey.Been a while, huh?”I turn and meet the new voice as Holland and Molly continue their conversation.

“Oh, hi, Nate.Yeah, it has.How are you doing?How are the kids?”

Nate smiles.“Good, good.Yeah, everyone’s good.They’re running around here somewhere.Heard you’re touring again.”

I nod.“Yeah, I am.It was a long road back, but we’re getting there.”

“Um, yeah…well, hey, that’s great.Good luck to…”

A loud crash stops his sentence, and we spin toward the growing vacuum in the center of the gathering.

“No!No way!How dare you?!”The shrieks match the shattered bowl of pasta salad sprayed all over the rough wood, and I don’t even need to see the speaker to know the voice.I’d recognize that hatred anywhere.

Casey moves to jump in, but I shake my head, blocking his rescue.

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