Page 75 of Tracing Holland

“Wow,” I say when we finally come up for air.

“That’s one way to get you to shut up,” she grins, kissing me again.

“Wait, I thought I’m always in trouble for not talkingenough.”

She rolls her eyes and smacks me before leaning in again and leaving no doubt about who will be winning this debate.

We havebreakfast at the hotel with Callie and Casey the next morning before they take off for the funeral.Casey is unusually quiet, somber certainly, but I’m not convinced it’s solely related to the death of his father.I don’t think anyone could have dreaded such a gathering as much as I had, but this event will be no picnic for Casey either.His rocky relationship with his father will be the elephant in the room, and that’s best-case scenario.Worst case, he becomes the focal point of today’s drama, and my heart goes out to him as he prepares to face his own demons that have followed him to Houston.He and I both suspect he was spared their claws yesterday only because I was a more desirable target.There’s so much to say, but I can tell he has no interest in talking about it right now.I don’t blame him and give him a knowing look when they rise to leave.

“We’ll be here when you get back, ok?”I assure him quietly, knowing he’ll understand my unspoken message.

“Thanks, man,” he replies.

I give him a quick hug and turn to Callie.“Take care of him.I’m putting you in charge today.”

She nods and tucks her arm around Casey’s waist.“For sure.”She squeezes and smiles up at him.“I love you, hon.You got this,” she says, and I catch the way he immediately seems to relax.

“Thanks, Cal.”He gives her a quick kiss.“You ready?”

She nods again and turns back to us.“Wish us luck,” she says with a knowing look, and I almost cringe.They are going to need so much more than that.I’m feeling terrible about abandoning Casey, but realize I would be doing him no favors with my volatile presence.

Holland and I watch them leave before returning to our seats.

“You ok?”Holland asks, searching my eyes.“It had to be hard letting him go.”

I give her a weak smile, appreciating her insight.“There’s no way I could step foot in that church after yesterday.”

She grins and shakes her head.“No.Not unless they want to perform a dozen more funerals this week.”

I smirk and lean back.“He’s got Callie.Thank god for her.She’ll take care of him.”

“They’re lucky to have found each other.”

“You don’t even know the half of it,” I mutter, leaning forward and rubbing my eyes.I shake off the story.“Anyway, Casey will be ok.He’s one of the strongest people I know.”

She nods and studies me.I have no idea what she’s thinking, which always fascinates and scares the crap out of me at the same time.I don’t know how she always seems to get inside me, but man, that’s no place for her right now.She has mercy for once.“So what’s the plan for today now that the funeral has been removed from the agenda?”

I swallow and look away, having no idea how to respond to that question.It’s a simple answer, but completely impossible at the same time.I steady my nerves and force myself to meet her gaze.

“I want to visit Elena while I’m here,” I explain quietly, begging her to understand.

Her eyes soften as she reaches for my hand.“Of course,” she says, squeezing my fingers.“May I go with you?”

I just stare at her.I’m sure I look ridiculous.Actually, I have no clue what my face looks like because if it’s anything like what’s going on in my head…

“Holland, I…Really?You’d go with me?”

She almost seems surprised by my question.“Of course I would.She’s part of you.She’s always going to be a part of you.I understand that.”

I look away, fighting the emotion that starts creeping into my chest, my throat.I’m so unprepared for this moment I have no idea how to navigate it.

“When do you want to go?”she continues gently, clearly sensing my struggle.

“Now, probably.”

Holland gets up from the table and moves around to my side.She holds out her hands, and I gaze up in awe for a moment before accepting her amazing gift and letting her pull me to my feet.

I knowI’m being quiet, even for me, as we climb out of the cab and approach the giant iron gate.Holland takes my hand and squeezes as I draw in a deep breath, bracing for what lies beyond.We start moving again and I can’t help but reflect on how much has changed since the last time I passed through this arch just a couple weeks before.I feel like a different person, almost like there is an entirely new path carved for me through this maze of grass and rock.

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