Page 85 of Tracing Holland

“We can’t.Not now,” she groans, but does nothing to help her own cause as she claws at me, her sudden aggression ripping a frenzied blaze through my body.I have no interest in playing fair either.

Her top is on the floor at nearly the same moment my jeans succumb to gravity, and there is nothing refined about our contact.It’s one primal need feeding the ravenous hunger of another.

“Luke, don’t stop this time.Don’t talk.Don’t do anything but make me need you,” she breathes in the most convincing argument of all time.

And I do.

“I apologizein advance for what I’m about to say, but holy shit,” Holland sighs, dropping back to what’s left of the bed.

I laugh and close my eyes, still trying to catch my breath.

“Unbelievable,” she continues and turns toward me.“Pavlov had no freakin’ clue.No clue!”

“So I’m getting better then?”

She responds with a kiss that makes me burst with pride at just how satisfied she is.I love that I’m enough for her.

“Seriously.Perfection,” she breathes, pulling away, staring into my eyes.I’m not even sure she’s talking about the sex.

I return her smile, captivated by the sudden explosion in my heart.Something is happening.Right here.Right now.Something huge, and I take a deep breath, searching her eyes.

“Holland, my entire life people have tried and failed to ‘fix’ me.You’re the first person who’s made me believe I’m not broken.”

Silence.

I actually think I’ve stunned her for once.My words settle in the stillness, hanging between us like a promise, a gift, and I wait in agony, wondering what she’ll do with it.Her eyes fill as she seems to search every recess of my soul.I don’t know what she’s looking for this time, but as usual am afraid she won’t find it.That I can’t be for her, everything she’s becoming for me.

I swallow, suddenly nervous, ashamed, maybe even regretting my impulsive confession.I don’t deserve her.I’m sure she knows that.“I’m sorry if that scares you.I…”

She shakes her head and cuts me off.“No, you know what scares me, Luke?”she whispers, still staring into my eyes.“I’m terrified I’m not even close to finished falling in love with you.”

“Dude,you killed it tonight!What is up with you?”Sweeny cries as we move off stage.The crowd is still screaming, still calling for us and we’ve already done two encores.I grin and shrug as I wipe at my forehead with my shirt.

“Just feelin’ it, I guess,” I return.

“That was amazing!”Callie cries, running toward us.I return her quick hug and catch Holland gazing at me several feet away.She’s surrounded by her own band so I know there’s no chance to get to her.But my body is pumping with life right now, and it kills me that I can’t share this moment with the one person I’m craving.My phone buzzes and I cast a quick glance at the screen.

Incredible performance.Almost as good as this afternoon’s.

My blood sears hot as the grin spreads across my lips.I glance up at her and notice her own attempt to hide a smile.

Thanks.I was pretty nervous so I just kept picturing you naked in the front row.

She seems to like my joke, and this time gains the attention of her bandmates when she chuckles.I’m careful to look oblivious in my own circle as I sense Wes’ gaze.I can’t tell if he buys it or not.He has to know she’s talking to me.

When we get to Toronto, you won’t have to imagine anything.

I suck in my breath.

10

Greater Metro New York City

September 27

“Luke.”

“Callie.”

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