Page 39 of Broken

“What?” he asks, not understanding what I’m saying, but then again, I don’t understand what I’m feeling.

“I fuck everything up, King. I bring chaos and destruction. I’m like the damn headless horseman, wreaking havoc and destruction to everything and everyone I touch.” He standsthere, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. What he doesn’t realize is that I’m not sure I’ve ever had a brain cell in my head. Not afuckingone.

“The headless horseman?” he repeats, but I ignore it. I’m too far in my head to pull away from it. It’s not only going to drown me, at this point I’m pretty sure it will annihilate me. The only good part about this scenario is that there won’t be anything left of me when it’s done. I’ll be vapor, never to cause harm to another soul. I stare at him, but I’m gazing through him. I’m waiting for the darkness to overtake me. King must get tired of waiting, because I can hear his footsteps. For some reason, I don’t connect that with him getting closer. That’s probably why I jump when I feel his hand curl against the side of my neck. “Sunshine, look at me.”

“I am,” I breathe.

“There’s not a damn thing wrong with you.”

“Everythingis wrong with me.”

“Gabby—”

That’s when the muck began to take me over and I listed every damn thing I kept bombarding my brain with night after night. Every single thing. I did it for no other reason than to make King realize how much better he had in store for his life than someone like me. As I enumerated the details of my path of destruction, my voice got louder with each crime, more clogged with my tears, and filled with the aching sadness that I knew would never leave me—not for as long as I lived. I didn’t want King to see me like this. I sure didn’t want him to hear my pain and witness just how broken I am. I just couldn’t stop it any longer. Here is this beautiful, kind man offering me something I wished with everything in me I could grab with both hands and hold on to forever yet knowing I couldn’t. Knowing that once again, I already fucked everything up.

So, I just let it fly.

“I’m one huge mistake after another. I have a list of shit I should have done that I did not do. It’s a list that fucking haunts me to the point that I wake up in the middle of the night screaming from the aftermath of the hell behind me, King.”

“Gabby—”

“If I had called Dom out on his cheating and kicked him to the curb. If I hadn’t involved T. If I’d gotten my shit together andnottried to trap Dom into marriage, to somehow make him miraculously see I could love him more than anyone else. If I hadn’t gotten my brother killed. If I hadn’t destroyed my parents. If I hadn’t gotten raped. If I hadn’t been fucking born! If. If.If!!!”

My legs give way, and I just let my body drop. I don’t hit the floor, though. I feel King’s arms go around me. I can’t see him for my tears, but still somehow find a way to pound my fists against his hard chest.

“Baby—”

“You have to let me go, King. Completely.”

“Fuck, no. I told you I can be your friend. I shouldn’t have pushed for more. Bottom line, I’m going to stand by you. You’re not going through this alone.”

“Stop! Don’t you understand?” I ask, hiccupping through my words. “I’m poison.”

He takes us to my bedroom. I keep crying as he lies down, cradling me like a child. My head is pressed tight against his chest, and his strong arms absorb my sobs. I feel his hands rake through my hair as his lips kiss my forehead.

“You’re not poison, Gabby. You were just on the wrong path, but you’re coming out of it. I’m proud of you. Everyone here tonight is proud of you.” I listen to him, and try to get control, at least enough so I can make him understand.

“You’re wrong. Don’t you think I saw it? The looks of concern Dragon and Nicole shared every time they looked at you. I’mpoison, King. You need to walk away. If you don’t, I’ll just drag you down like I did everyone else.”

“You’re talking foolish.”

“I’m not. You and I can never work. No matter how much I want to try. I’ve already made it impossible. You deserve a good woman. Someone who hasn’t destroyed everyone she’s touched. Someone your father won’t look at and cringe when you hold my hand. Someone your brothers will rejoice you found. What you do not need is someone where you’re the only man in the family at Christmas dinner who hasn’t touched me, while knowing you might never be able to because I’m so fucked up in the head.”

He doesn’t respond to that, and I figure that’s a good thing. He’s accepting that I’m right. It’s done. I lay against him, spent. My tears still coming down but are slowing. The sobs that were raking my body begin dissipating.

It’s over and that’s the best thing for King. I continue to lie against him, my ear pressing against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and letting that soothe me. I let everything sink in and feel nothing.

Aching, empty … hollow.

Chapter 19

King

Jesus Christ.

I knew Gabby was hurting, but I didn’t quite fathom the depths of it. This entire thing is my fault. I pushed her too fast, too soon. Fucking hell, I’m not sure what to do. The only thing I know for sure is Gabby is slowly going down. On the surface, it appears she’s got things all planned out. She’s sold that lie to herself so well that I even bought it.

But that’s the thing. It’s all a lie.

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