Page 57 of Broken

“No, that’s even wrong. He doesn’t want anything to do with me because he hasn’t spoken to me in over six months, either. Every single call Mom asks if I want to talk to my father, andthen explains that she’ll go get him if I do. Then she’ll come up with some half-hearted excuse on how he left to give us privacy. It’s all a lie, though. The truth is he doesn’t want to look at me, he doesn’t want to hear my voice, and he wishes I was dead and Diego was still alive.”

“Fuck, sweetheart?—”

“What he doesn’t understand is I wish that, too, King.”

“No,” I growl, the burn of that hitting me so fucking deep that it takes my breath. Before I can say anything else, she shakes her head. It moves back and forth so furiously it must be painful. Her hands curl into my tee as her body trembles.

“Straight up. I’d trade my life for Diego’s in a heartbeat if he could be back here with his smile, that cocky voice of his, and the way he loved to chase everything in a skirt. I wouldn’t even blink. Hell, I’ve prayed for the chance, King. There’s nothing I can do.”

“Baby, stop,” I croon, holding her tighter.

“I would give anything to take his place,” she whispers. “There’s nothing I can do,” she finally repeats.

I brace my hands on each side of her neck. I force her beautiful smoky blue eyes to look at me. I hate the tears sliding from them, even acknowledging how beautiful and real that is to see. There were times that being with Shelby made me feel like I was frozen out by her. The woman compartmentalized all of her emotions to the tiniest sliver of one. Hell, sometimes having sex that she seemed completely distanced during it. Looking back now, all those red warning flags mock the shit out of me. I’m lucky I got out of that marriage before my dick froze off while fucking her.

“You need to stop. Your brother wouldnotwant this for you. I didn’t know him, but I know that any man in the same type of life I’m in knows the danger he’s courting. He knows what could happen and honestly, baby, that’s part of what feeds his hunger for this life. You live every day as your last. You do it minute byminute and you get off on that thrill. I know that’s twisted, but it’s true.”

“That’s not who you are,” she argues at once.

“It’s not now, but it was. Once you settle into the life, you find your brothers, you find your family, and you find a good woman. Then, you have a new mission. You live every day as it's your last, but you do it knowing you are protecting those you care about, a world you love and a family that you are a part of. I know this because I may have been lost for a while, but I’m coming back to myself. I’m coming back and I’m settling into a world here with men I like, people I respect, and a good woman who I fucking want to keep in my life.”

“King—”

“I know losing your brother has killed you inside, baby, but I need you to hear me.”

“I’m hearing you,” she whispers

“No, sweetheart. I need you toreallylisten and take it in. Your brother wouldn’t want you saying this shit. He waded into that war because it was who he was. It was to help you because I know he loved you.”

“You can’t know that. You didn’t?—”

“I met him. We didn’t talk, but I noticed the type of man he was. I also know because you’ve let me past your walls and I’ve seen the real you, Gabby. You can’t help but love the woman you are. Ialsoknow that no man would give up his life and want someone he cared about wishing they’d been the one to die. He’d want you to live happy, and he’d want you to concentrate on building a life you loved not only for you, but for jellybean, too.” I let my thumb drift against the soft skin of her cheek, pulling her face closer and leaning down so our foreheads touch. “It’s going to be okay. Your parents are lost right now, but they’ll come out of it. You’re scared, but together we’re going to steer you out of that, too.”

“I wake up every day feeling like half a person,” she admits, and the pain in those words strikes another blow inside me.

“Baby—”

“Then, I look at you and I wonder why a man like you—a good man down to his bones—wants to even spend time with someone like me.”

“You don’t get this, but I look at you and I see a woman who understands me. A woman who makes me feel …”

“Feel what?” she whispers.

“Settled,” I tell her and want to wince at my choice of words. Women want flowery shit, I know that. They want to hear how they make the world better for their man and how happy they make them. Yet when I look at Gabby, the one word that hits me over and over is …settled.Gabby has no idea that to a man who never had a real home or a woman in his life that he could depend on—feeling settled is like being in heaven.

I watch as she does a slow blink. Yeah, I was right. She has no idea. I start to explain, but she grins at me and anything I would have said dies on the tip of my tongue.

“I never imagined in all my life I’d like it when a man says he feelssettledaround me,” she murmurs.

I use my fingers to brush away the remnants of her tears. “That’s not a bad thing, Sunshine,” I try to reassure her.

“I know. It’s … real. I’ve lived my whole life feeling as if I’m searching for real and never truly finding it. So, I guess what I’m saying is you make me feelsettled,too.”

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” I murmur.

“You do remember that you came home to find me falling apart and crying on you after a simple conversation with my mother?”

“Trust me, woman, I don’t forget a second that I spend with you—notonesecond. Besides, I understand what you’re feeling. Dragon called today. He wants me to come to afamilydinner.”

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