Page 66 of Bay of Plenty

I was back to feeling tense that evening. We were both feeling the pressure. There were still huge gaps in our information. Tomorrow, Declan was heading to The Mount to organize his team, who had flown in. Whatever his internal turmoil, he was warm and kind to both my parents as we diverted Dad with a card game. Outside, it started to rain.

I watched him patiently waiting on Mum’s agonized play with a smile. He was so nice, so considerate to everyone he’d met here. To me.

Later in bed, I thought of that muscled body next to me. Those defined abs, wide shoulders, and taut thighs. I admit that over the past few days, I wouldn’t have minded if hehadn’tgiven me privacy in the bedroom and shower atboth ends of the day. He was steady and earnest and sweet, things I used to think were dull and boring when I was dating men like Jack and other “alphaholes,” as Shay called them, I met through work, but these things made me feel secure and happy now. More than that—I was holding my breath, my heart racing, waiting and hoping for him to turn to me and ask if he could put his hand on my cheek, his lips on mine. But he didn’t. And he couldn’t, and he wouldn’t.

I thought about the conversation where he said he thought our relationship could be real.I felt something—the possibility that this could be great.But I’d rejected it. Even though my parents had been cleared, I needed this story. The stakes of this case were way too high to risk something like this.

The rain tumbled down harder, as if the sea had risen into the sky and tipped its contents onto the roof. It should have frightened me, but I felt safe with him under this sheet, in this room, inside this house. It made me realize that I’d never felt that before in any of my relationships.

If I was truly honest with myself, the safety I felt with Declan wasn’t something I should ignore. I didn’t need him to rescue me, but if he was my safe place, I could go out into the world, explore the scary depths of the ocean, knowing I could always float home to him. I’d never had anyone treat me as well as he did, and I didn’t think the respect he showed me would disappearifwe were in a proper relationship.Does this mean I want love after all? Yes, and not just love, it’s Declan I want.

I had to take a risk and tell him how I felt. Tomorrow morning when we got up, I’d tell him that yes, when we kissed, I’d felt it too.

Chapter Forty-Two

Day Nine

Early next morning,Mum pinged me from golf with a grocery list. I asked Declan if we could talk outside the house before he headed to The Mount at 10:00 a.m., and he offered to help me with the shopping.

When we arrived at the parking lot, I was full of nerves, and this was hardly the most romantic place, but I had to tell him how I felt. I was so worn out with being walled off and iron-willed, second-guessing his words to protect myself. I wanted to be with him, to be happy. I had to be brave, to open my heart. I couldn’t wait any longer.

We filled the cart with almost everything on Mum’s list, then wheeled around the fruit-and-veggie section. Declan had a system for grocery shopping, leaving produce to the last. Mine was completely random, which explained why I usually arrived home with squashed bananas.

“I was thinking about, you know, how you mentioned the kiss?” I nervously picked up a bag of oranges, studying them so intently I might have been auditioning for the role of orange broker. “Well, Ididfeel it, too, and I thought, we could…” I forged on with this stumbling jumble of words. “I don’t know… maybe try it out? After this is done?” The stakes were so high I was tongue-tied. “That would be… okay.”

“No.” He stopped and turned to me.

The wordnoshot through my heart.

Two nearby shoppers stared.

I put down the oranges and froze. What had I expected? Last night, all that snot and tears on his T-shirt had not been appealing. Not to mention hearing about my ugliest moments at high school.

“No?” I asked, peering sideways.

“I don’t want just okay.” His gaze tugged mine upward to his. He stepped closer, the warmth of his breath on my lips. “I want to do it properly. I want it to mean something. When we get back to London, I want us to go on a proper date, and at the end of the night, when I ask to kiss you, you say, ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ I back you up against the tree outside the restaurant, and we might be there for hours kissing, desperate to do more than that, but somehow not wanting to move from that spot. Finally, you say, ‘Let’s go back to your place,’ and before we even get in the door, we tear off each other’s clothes, stumble toward the bedroom, and fall onto the bed. And it would be anything butjust okay.”

Declan’s green gaze held mine, not with his usual diplomatic gentleness but steely and challenging.

“Jeez, I’ll have some of those oranges,” said one of the other shoppers.

All the nerves in my body were on end. I think I was panting.

“Oh God, yes,” I said to Declan. “That sounds much better than my idea.”

Chapter Forty-Three

I want itto mean something.

Declan had left for The Mount, but his words settled deep inside me.

I was silent and dazed, making a cup a tea for Mum and Dad who were watching golf on TV. My head was spinning with searing images of kissing up against a tree and trying not to add details to what followed because my parents were in the next room.

A text from Kui jolted me.Calling you about Janey.I hurried over to the TV room, leaned in, gave Mum a look, and we took it outside.

“Bad news,” Kui said on speakerphone. “I just talked to my niece at the police station. Apparently, Thatcher Bell is leaving tomorrow on an overseas sabbatical. Something to do with outrigger racing.”

Shit, I’ll have to get over there now.My heart raced. What would Declan say? He was talking to his contact about what Mr.Otto had told us and giving instructions to his team. As a precaution, they’d agreed to turn off their phones.

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