Page 88 of Bay of Plenty

I took a deep breath. “In order to work on this case together, we agreed to be fake dating.” Mum and Dad onlysmiled. I’d have to spell it out more clearly. “We pretended to be girlfriend and boyfriend.”

Mum and Dad kept smiling as if they hadn’t heard.

“We’re so sorry we were deceiving you,” Declan said. “We had to do it for the sake of the case.”

Mum shrugged like it wasn’t true. “We know what we saw.” Dad nodded his agreement.

They took Fred out for a walk, a short one, as Dad still tired easily.

“So the arrests have been made,” Declan said, sitting beside my hospital bed. He held my hand, his thumb brushing my pulse. I was propped up by pillows, and I’m sure I looked like hell. “You know what that means? Can’t wait for you to be back in London.”

“Are you sure the dishwasher stacking isn’t a deal breaker?” I teased. “I thought I was atrocious.”

His lips parted with a slight smile, and I imagined running my finger along his bottom lip. Then my tongue.

“Yeah, you fucking are,” he rasped out, his Irish accent strong. He had no idea how sexy that sounded.

Or maybe he did. I was banged up and bruised, but his heavy eyes blazed into me, and his chest rose and fell, making my robe feel too tight, my skin on fire. Somehow, his eyes conveyed what he wanted to do to me when I was better. And I wanted him to. So much.

“I’ve got my next assignment.” He bit his lip. “You know I can’t say where and what for. But I’ll make sure I’m all yours when you get back to London after Christmas.”

My heart stumbled.Can’t say where and what for.Who would he be on this next job? Maybe he’ll even be fake-dating another woman. I’d never know. I was trying to change, bash down my walls, be more open. But change didn’t meanaccepting less. It meant expecting more of myself but also of the other person.

“I got that promotion,” he said.

I forced a smile. “Congratulations. You deserve it.”

“Shorter jobs. I’ll be at home more.”

His eyes were hopeful. We’d already discussed what this job entailed.

“But, yeah, it’s still undercover.”

I couldn’t hold the forced smile any longer. “You know how I feel about you. I want to, but I can’t.” My face crumpled. “You working undercover means I can never trust who you say you are.”

Pain darkened his eyes.

“You said you were disillusioned with your job,” I said. “It seemed like you were questioning your life and whether you were making a difference.”

“I did say that.” His tone and his face were strained, his breathing shallow. “But…” He swiped a hand over his face. “Undercover is what I know, what I’m good at. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am.” His voice was soft but final. “This job is part of me.”

My insides felt ripped up. He’d chosen.

The nurse came in, asked me how I felt, and measured all my vitals. Declan fisted his hands at his side until she left. It felt like there was a room’s distance between us, even though he was standing right beside my bed.

“I’m gutted, but I understand.” He scraped a hand through his hair. “This has been an amazing time we’ve had together. In some ways, I feel like we’ve lived five years of our lives with each other, so much has happened. You’re incredible, and I’ll never forget you or this place.”

I held my hand up to my trembling lips, spilling tears asI gazed into his green eyes, knowing I had to memorize every small fleck of blue in them, like polished paua shells. I would not allow myself to be bitter or angry or regret him.

“Thank you for saying that. You’ve made such a difference in my life. I learned to forgive, and that’s set my heart and mind free. There’s no more wonderful gift anyone could give. And you made me feel I could cry.” I ran my hands over my face, laughing, weeping. “And now I can’t stop. I’ll never forget you.”

We were quiet for a while. “I’ll say goodbye to your parents now,” he said.

Chapter Fifty-Seven

I’d tried topersuade CeeCee that the town cared about her, and they showed it. Though no one was allowed in her room, she had a steady stream of visitors clutching cards and flowers and calling to her from the hallway. Most popped their head into my room, too, though some blamed me for CeeCee being identified as the person who accidentally killed Janey and the one in charge of the heroin racket. I felt hurt and frustrated by that, but tried not to let it get me down. I made sure to update my article with their reaction because it felt right to publicly acknowledge what can happen when you upend the reality that people are used to.

Two days later, when we were both to be discharged, CeeCee asked to speak to me. Aroha wheeled me into CeeCee’s room early, a battalion of fluids rolling behind me.

---