Page 101 of Sunrise

Does that mean shedoesn’t? Falling back into a comfortable mindset, I submit. “Is that an order, Mistress?”

“Yes.” She wraps the bedsheet around her body and walks towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Jesus, is she abandoning ship already?

“I’m just going to grab us something from the kitchen.”

“We can order room service.”

“No. This room doesn’t offer full service.”

That’s a lie. Every room in the Monarch is full fucking service if it’s for Sophie. But I let her leave because I can’t tear myself in half to comfort both of them at the same time when they’re in completely opposite directions, both mentally and physically.

Besides… I no longer have anything left to hold myself together with.

Chapter 32

Vault

Splashing water on my face does nothing to calm me the fuck down.

My dick won’t deflate because the thrill of the chase, the rush of adrenaline in the fight, and the fuckingtightnessof Knox’s ass has infiltrated my system like a virus.

I told him this morning to be the one to call Red if Sophie or I went too far. And what did he do? Opened my gate, slapped my ass, and set me loose.

He didn’t call Red. Hewasthe Red. My demons ran straight to him and tore him to shreds.

Taking Knox like that wasneverpart of the plan.

Fuck. That’s a lie. I’ve spent countless nights envisioning the two of us tangled in intense passion. But not like what just happened out there. Jesus, I hurt him. Again.

All I do is hurt the people I love.

Is Sophie next?

Did I sabotage what we’ve built already?

Why can’t I just have something nice and good in my life without tearing it apart so it can’t destroy me first? I’m broken because of what happened to me. Sex is a mindset, or a survival skill. It’s rarely for my pleasure anymore, and the one time I let loose, I turninto a monster.

I squeeze my eyes shut and scream inside my mind.

“It’s not the same,” Knox says quietly by the door. “What you did and what he did… it’s not the same, Alex.”

“Yes, it is.” Only Knox instigated what we just did, and I’d been drugged and tied up when I was younger. “Taking by force is taking by force. End of story.”

“You didn’t take it. Igaveit. Happily.” He gingerly sits on the side of the soaking tub and holds the rim. “I’m telling you CNC is not the same as what you went through.”

It feels the same to me. Why would Knox let me take him like that? Why did he beg me to do it?

And why did I have to love it so much?

Holy hell. Dmitri and Ryker watched the whole thing. Not even Sophie ended the scene. Everyone I know and love saw what I did. What I am.

I know Knox would do anything for us, but… he didn’t once try to fight me off. If anything, he encouraged me. Does that make him a monster too, or an enabler, or something else?

“I ravaged you.” My voice is unrecognizable.

“Yes.” He clears his throat. “How does that make you feel?”

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