Page 104 of Sunrise

But are the guys alright?

They’ve been in the bathroom for a while. After returning with drinks and fruit to an empty room, I worried that maybe they’d left. But their deep, soft tones rumbled out from behind the bathroom door, making the emptiness in my heart fill with instant relief. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, so I’ve been sitting on the bed ever since.

Suddenly, laughter hits my ears. It’s so loud, it jars me.

“Oh thank god.” They’re going to be okay. This session was just one more milestone to help them get back to each other, not a major step backwards like I feared.

My imposter syndrome strikes, punching me in the gut. I should leave so they can be alone together. Go freshen up and get ready for my evening as a dominatrix in the Monarch. I have a full roster for tonight and…

I don’t want to do it.

Oh my god, what is wrong with me? Have I lost everything that I am in less than twenty-four hours? I’ve gone from being on top of the world, on the brink of a scientific breakthrough, having two men I’m head over heels for finally getting back together, to…

This.

I’m lost. Empty-handed and hollow-hearted. Unemployed during the day and uninterested in my job at night. Since when did I stop enjoying being a Domme?

Closing my eyes, I shove that notion right back where it belongs—in the pit of my belly, where it candie.Snap out of it, Sophie!Ilovebeing a Domme, so this sudden change of mind is just me struggling with my life choices. My before and after.

My future.

Yeah. That’s what this is. I’m confused and flustered. That’s all. Is it any wonder? I almost outed myself earlier this morning with Vault and Knox. I wanted so badly to tell them the truth about what happened to me years ago, but I couldn’t do it. If they knew how deep my lies go, they’d never forgive me. Neither would Ryker nor Dmitri.

I’d lose everything.

So yeah, me questioning my choices and lifestyle is just a hiccup. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.

“Get it together, woman.” I rub my thighs and remind myself of all the good I’ve done. Being a Domme has given me chances to help others discover new things to love about themselves.

Domme life is the bomb life.

It also should be noted that I’ve had the most fun being with Knox and Vault than all the clients I’ve ever had combined. Do I love being a Domme only when I’m with them?

Wait. No. The other night with that couple during the open house, I was having fun.

Until I wasn’t and hit the panic button.

What about the time before that?

The more I think of it, the more I realize what I love is being watched by Vault through security cameras. My role here is being a performer, not a partner. I love teaching subs how to be dominated… but I don’t necessarily enjoy dominating them personally.

Vault and Knox are my only exceptions.

Shit. What does that even mean?

Eventually, the door opens and Vault steps out first with a towel around his waist, carrying a jar of salve. Our eyes meet. I can’t read the expression on his face. It’s too complicated. Vault has never been someone I could decode. Knox, however, I can read like a book. So, when I see his smile and the easy way he approaches the bed, all freshly showered and content, I assume they’re both okay.

“How are you, pet?”

He crawls onto the bed, heading for my outstretched hand, and lays his head on my lap. “Much better, Mistress.”

The honorific rips me in half. I don’t want to be Mistress right now. I want to be me.

You aren’t that woman anymore, I remind myself.And they didn’t come to you for anything other than to be used as a bridge to connect them.

I stroke Knox’s hair. It soothes me as much as it does him. Vault sits on my other side and hands me the salve. I thought Knox would have put this on him in the bathroom, but I guess not. Then again, it’smyresponsibility as his Mistress to ensure his aftercare.

If they only need me for this role, I’ll accept it. I’m not above feasting on breadcrumbs.

---