Page 111 of Sunrise

Vault’s mouth is set in a tight line. He drops his gaze to the floor and backs up towards the door. He’s going to leave because I chose D over him for comfort. And with Knox here too, he probably thinks they have me covered. He’s never been good at aftercare when he’s with a Butterfly. He goes through the movements, but his heart isn’t in it.

I think it’s different with me and I’ve just crushed him.

“Stay,” I say quickly. “Please, stay, Alex.”

He lets go of the doorknob. “You sure? D and Knox…”

“I want you.” Then I look up at Knox. “I need you both.”

Dmitri moves in complete silence, letting me go and unfolding off the floor. With one last, long glance, he kisses my forehead and leaves.

“Turn the camera off,” I demand loudly. “Now.”

Instead of looking at the mount in the corner of my room, I read Vault’s expression. He’s staring at the camera, his chest rising and falling with his deep breaths. One curt nod from him and I know Ryker’s turned the surveillance in my room off.

“I… I…” There are a million confessions on the tip of my tongue, and none of them taste good. If I don’t say something now, it’ll just make things worse. “I love you.”

That’s not what I meant to say, but here I am. A fool. This news is not worthy of having a meltdown over or the camera turned off for.

And we all fucking know it.

Knox’s brow furrows. “We love you too, Soph.”

“No. I mean I’minlove with you both.” I toss my hands up. “I’m crazy in love with both of you. I know that wasn’t part of the deal when we started. Getting this emotionally attached is a huge infraction, but I did, and I can’t just turn it off.”

Vault’s gaze softens. “We know.”

“I’m feeling pretty lost about it because I…” Hang on. What did he just say? “Wait. What you do you mean, you know?”

“We heard you loud and clear this morning when you yelled it at Dmitri in the hallway.”

“With every fiber of your being,” Knox adds.

God. Damnit. Now what? Do I tell them the real problem or just continue to be fake? Am I even fake anymore or is this the real me? I’m so confused I want to throttle myself.

Looking up at the camera again, I can’t tell if it’s on or off. I have to trust Ryker did what I asked. I have totrust…

“You don’t know me.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Soph?” Knox huffs like what I said is crazy. “Of course, we know you.”

“No. You don’t.” My gaze shifts from Knox to Vault. I can’t keep lying to them. It’s not fair to keep them in the dark. I can’t expect them to love me back without knowing exactly who I am.

I thought I hit rock bottom before, but now I see how wrong I was.

Thisis rock bottom.

After Knox left with Ryker earlier, and I’d rushed to my dressing room to get ready for the nightwhen my brain exploded. I was thrown back into the past. I’d triggered myself by running half-dressed down the hall of my home—which is exactly what the Monarch is to me—and I downward spiraled back into the worst moment of my life.

“You guys used to go on midnight runs together,” I say, carefully building up the courage to out myself.

“All the time. Still do. Why?” Knox acts like he’s not sure what to do with his arms, so he ends up crossing them over his chest.

“I hold the record for the fastest mile at my high school.”

Knox’s eyebrows shoot up like he’s impressed.

“Four minutes and twenty-three seconds.” I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. “My speed won me the state championship twice, and it saved my life once.”

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