Page 125 of Sunrise

“So uncommit.”

I shake my head and work on my tie. It looks like a disaster again and I rip it off and start over.

He always knew I was going to college. This isn’t a surprise bomb that’s landed on us. Besides, it’s not like I’m leaving today.

“Be with me,” he begs, and I hate how his voice cracks with agony. It sends fissures into my heart and makes some of my walls crumble. “Please, Alex.”

I’ve thought about this a million times. I don’t want to go to college, but my parents will be so disappointed if I don’t. And I’m not staying here so I can die a slow death in my misery. If there was any other way, I’d take it.

Impulsively, I grab his arm. “Run away with me.”

Knox gawks. “What?”

“Run away with me,” I whisper yell. My gaze darts to the door. “I’ve got money.” It’s not much, but it’s something. “And we can hock this.” I quickly grab the graduation gift my parents just surprised me with and show it to him. “It’s a Rolex. We might be able to get a couple grand for it.”

He glowers at me. “I’m not running away with you. Just stay with me.”

In his house with his asshole dad? Never. “Why won’t you fucking run with me?”

“Because you’re running for the wrong reason, Alex.” He snatches the watch out of my hand and slams the box on my dresser. “You can’t run from yourself. Everywhere you go, there you’ll be.”

I hate when he talks like that. “I’m not running from myself.”

“Yes, you are. You run. Hide. Now you’re going to go to college. You’re constantly looking for some escape.”

“Says the asshole we had to wean off drugs not that long ago. You’re such a fucking hypocrite.” Heat radiates down my back and my suit feels too tight and suffocating. “Fuck you, Knox.”

He jerks back as if I’ve punched him.

I’m the reason he’d turned to drugs. He once told Ryker he was chasing the high he only ever used to feel with me. If I hadn’t felt like shit before, I definitely did after learning that. He’s been clean for a while, but… will he go back to it once I’m gone?

I don’t want to leave him.

Why won’t he fucking run away with me?

Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.

Fury and shame trap me in their teeth, and I lash out. “You say you love me, but you won’t do this? You beg for me to be with you and then when I ask you to run with me, you say no? Go to fucking Hell.” I shove him once. Twice.

The third time is when he pushes me back.

“Get it out,” he seethes. “Keep fucking going, Alex.”

I don’t know what he means. I just know I need to leave before I do something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. And yet, here I stand, begging him… “Run. Away. With me.”

“I’m not leaving my pops,” he says, like that’s a good reason to stay. “And I’m not leaving Ryker and Dmitri. They need me.”

“I NEED YOU!” I scream at him.

“Then stay!”

He doesn’t get it. I can’t be here anymore. I hate myself, I hate my family, I hate my life, I hate everything around me. If I leave now, there’s still hope for me to get outof my Hell. I can start over, become someone else, be anything other than what I already am.

“He can’t hurt you anymore, Alex. He’sgone.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the screaming in my head.

“Stay.Please.” Knox grabs me by the back of the neck and smashes his mouth to mine.

---