Page 151 of Sunrise

He squats down in front of me, his mouth set in a hard line. The way he stares at me is like having the devil look straight through your fucking soul. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, Sophie.”

“I lied to you. This whole time… from the beginning.” Is he going to fire me over this? Trust is so important to him, and I’ve broken it.

He swipes the tears off my face. “We’ve all lied to protect ourselves at least once in our life, honey. But next time you have a problem, if anyone even so much as sneezes wrong in your direction… come directly to me, understand?”

“And me,” D says.

“And me,” Vault adds.

“And me.” Knox tips his head. “We’ve got you, Soph. Always.”

Their fierce loyalty makes my tears flow harder.

The rest of the night dissipates into a surreal dream. I don’t know how I get home. I’m not sure where Ryker and Dmitri are now, but I vaguely remember them saying they were heading back to the Monarch to give us privacy.

Sitting on my couch, wrapped in another blanket, I still have my soiled dress on. I can’t seem to make myself do anything sensible, and I don’t want anyone helping me. This limbo is frustrating. I need to snap out of it and can’t.

“I’m hungry.”

“I can make you some food.” Knox hurries intomy kitchen, all his nervous, pent-up energy dying to be put to good use. “What would you like?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, I’ll make a bunch of stuff, and you can—”

“I don’t want food.”

Vault sinks to his knees in front of me. “You’re okay.”

I don’t feel okay. I feel like a… I don’t know what. I just…

“I had to dominate him,” I say as my body and soul tear apart from each other. “I had to use what I love in a horrible way. I manipulated him and abused my power.”

“You didn’t have power, Sophie.” Knox stalks over and squats down next to Vault. “The sub always has the power, right?”

I nod.

“You didn’t abuse your position. You didn’t manipulate. You did what you had to in order to survive a fucking serial killer.”

The way he says it makes me want to vomit.

A serial killer.

All those women…. All those photos….

“I need to shower.” Standing up, I nearly run them over as I head upstairs.

I can’t breathe. I can’t think. Stopping midway up, my knees hit the steps.

“I got you,” Vault says, carrying me the rest of the way.

???

I manage to eat half of a grilled cheese sandwichbefore I’m scared it’s going to come back up. I can’t sit still, yet I have zero energy to move.

Vault and Knox give me space but stay close. I go from bedroom to bathroom to patio to porch to kitchen to living room and back to the bedroom again. I feel like a prisoner in my body. I’m caged. There’s no escape.

“I can’t do this.”

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