Page 20 of Sunrise

“You’re fine.”

Slapping on some mascara makes me feel better. Fanning my dark hair over my shoulders to frame my face, I step back and get a good look at myself.

It’s taken several years to grow out my hair again. And only in the past three have I returned to my natural color.

My life has a before and after moment.

I’m never discussing it.

Last night might have rattled me, but I’ve had moments like that before and they were nothing. So isthis. It’snothing. A simple configuration of strains and events that piled too high, too fast, when I was already stressed the fuck out. Shibari usually helps me find solid ground, but even that was messed up last night. It wasn’t just Knox’s fear, or Vault’s nervousness, but my own hiccups because the crowd felt… off.

It feels off in my house now, too.

“You’re being paranoid.”

Probably because I’m coming up on the anniversary of my before and after moment.

I always get a little frazzled this time of year. Jeez, you’d think after all this time, I’d be over it. I moved, changed, and carried on with no word from my past, as it should be. I left it all behind and ran.

You didn’t leave itallbehind, I remind myself. I still have the BDSM lifestyle and my profession. The two things that landed me in dangerbefore, are the two things I wasn’t willing to give upafter. But I refuse to be stripped of everything I love and that makes me who I am.

No one’s taking that away from me.

Several notifications stack up my on cell screen when I check the time. Two texts from Ryker, one from Dmitri, and a missed call from my partner at the lab.

Ryker and D are both just checking on me, which is easy to respond to. I don’t want to call James, my partner, because he’s probably going to ask me to meet him at the lab and I don’t have the energy to work on a Saturday again. He’s been spending more time at work than at home with his wife and kids lately. I wonder if something is up?

Maybe I should check in, just in case. He should be back from the conference he and our boss flew to, somaybe it’s good news?

James picks up on the first ring. “Hey,” he sounds exhausted.

“What’s up? I saw you called.”

“Did you get the email?”

A frown pulls my mouth. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but his tone makes my already chaotic nervous system even worse. “Let me check.”

Scrolling through the onslaught of work emails, my eyes nearly cross while I try to catch the one he’s likely talking about. Oh no. I disconnect from my emotions to prepare for bad news.

Dr. Ross,

I’m sorry to inform you the committee has rejected your findings. Funding for this project will be redistributed to another, which you will be reassigned to in the coming weeks. Your research and dedication are invaluable, and I’m sorry it did not work out this time.

Regards,

Bill

“Damn,” I sigh on speaker phone.

“Yeah. This is absolute bullshit.”

All my work. All my time… wasted. “I’m not going to let this go. No way.” My findings are correct, and this discovery is huge. I can’t believe they’d reject it. That’s not possible. “Did something happen at the summit?”

“No,” he quickly says. “It was fantastic. So coming back to this email is a fucking kick in the balls. Pardon my words. I’m crushed, Soph.”

“You and me both.” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I lean against my breakfast bar and sigh again. “I’m so sick of all the gatekeeping and roadblocks. I’m so close to having something great, and I’m not goingto let it slip through my fingers now. This rejection makes zero sense.”

His silence doesn’t boost my confidence.

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