Page 29 of Sunrise

Bracing against the doorjamb, I suck in a harsh breath and blow it out. A panic attack could hit if I’m not mindful. It could hit even if I am.

Open the door.

All I have to do is turn the knob and push.

Open the door. Open the door.

I’m invited. They want me. I want them.

Open-the-door-open-the-door-open-the-door.

“Baby steps,” Ryker says from behind me. Heat flares in my cheeks because I can’t believe he’s this fucking close, seeing me at my worst, and I’m too weak to hide it.

This isn’t your worst, I remind myself.Knox saw that.

Ryker, out of all of us, knows how dangerous sex can be. I shouldn’t be surprised he’s hovering. “All because you go in…” He stands next to me. “Doesn’t mean you have to do anything.”

He’s right.

“You’re safe,” he reminds me.

Tears prick my eyes. “I know that.”

“Then why are you hesitating?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

I close my eyes and count to ten. I want to detach. Be a robot. I’m good at being a stone top for Butterflies, but I’mnota stone top with Sophie. And I was abottomwith Knox.

“Do you want what’s behind the door, Alex?”

“More than my next breath.”

“Then open it.”

“What if I crash out?”

Ryker leans against the wall and doesn’t speak until I finally look at him. “I’d follow Knox off a cliff.Do you know why?”

I shake my head.

“Because he’d catch me at the bottom.”

Ryker’s right. We’ve all been through some awful shit, and Knox has always held us together. He lifts us up when we can barely stand. Understands us in ways that no one else can. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for us.

Forme.

My grip tightens on the knob, and I turn it.

“Push,” Ry whispers.

To settle my nerves, I practice breathing how Sophie taught me and open the motherfucking door.

???

They haven’t budged from the bed. Sophie rolls onto her stomach when she hears the door open. Her smile lights up the room. Dreamy and sated and stunning.

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