Page 37 of Sunrise

He shut me out. Almost committed suicide. And then he left for college and ghosted me until he was forced to come back for another tragedy in our lives.

“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for shit,Alex.” He did nothing wrong. Even if it shattered my heart sometimes, I’ll never blame him for his actions. “Nothing that happened was your fault.”

Steam billows around us, but I’m freezing fucking cold.

“I need you,” he mumbles. “To hold me.”

The loofah falls to the floor immediately, and I wrap him in the tightest embrace possible. Pretty sure he can’t breathe. At least this time, he’s not dry heaving bile onto my arm.

“I’m so sorry I fucked this night up.”

My heart seizes. I can’t swallow. “You did amazing out there.”

“I’m never coming back from that day, am I?”

It’s been many years since he was raped, and he’s come an incredibly long way since then. I can’t believe he doesn’t see it. “You should be proud of yourself. You’ve put in a lot of effort to work through your trauma.”

Therapy and all.

“It doesn’t matter if I can’t get back to where I belong.”

“You’re exactly where you belong,” I say in a gentle tone. “Look at us.”

He’s soaked in his clothes, including his shoes. I’m naked in a collar.

Vault chokes back a small laugh.

This isn’t his first panic attack with me. Nor will it likely be the last. My sorry ass always depends on dark humor to see us through it. I hold him tight and just breathe in his scent. It’s strange to feel so calm and on solid ground in this moment.

Guess I’ve come a long way too.

“He’s right about you.” Vault tips his head upto look at me. “Ryker said he’d follow you off a cliff because you’d catch him at the bottom.”

Jesus. He said that? I mean, he’s absolutely fucking right, but I never thought anyone noticed how hard I try to keep everyone from crashing out or dying young.

“I want to follow you off the cliff, Knox.” His hands rise to my face, and he cups my cheeks. “Catch me at the bottom, okay?”

Vault kisses me in the shower and I fucking kiss him back.

Chapter 12

Vault

This is not the boy I loved when I was a kid. He’s the man I’ve fought tooth and nail to get back to for the better part of a fucking decade.

He’s right, I’ve worked my ass off to cope with the shit from my past and seeing that I’m an occasional Dom at a sex club, can take a woman to cloud nine with my body, but still shatter when I kiss a man is brutal on my pride. I thought this would be easier by now.

I called Yellow earlier. I screamed Red.

The trigger had nothing to do with what happened to me back then, and everything to do with what happenedafter. After I got home that day. After Knox saw me on the floor crying in my own shit smeared and blood-stained boxers. After… he kissed me.

I felt like two people trapped in a soundproof room with a glass window separating us. Vault A had checked out already. He stood in the center of the padded room and didn’t feel a fucking thing. Vault B was a nuclear weapon. Hit the wrong button and he would destroy earth.

He kissed Vault A.

Vault B watched.

I’ve been these two people ever since, and the glass separating my two parts has thinned considerably with Sophie and Ryker’s help. I never had to tell Ry what happened to me. He knew. Somehow, he fucking knew. When I got the Medusa tat on my back about five years ago, he sat with me for it.

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