Page 83 of Sunrise

Rolling out of bed, I pull on an old hoodie and tie my hair back, brush my teeth, wash my face, and get a good look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are swollen from crying so hard. Lovely. The guys are going to have a million questions, and I need to be ready to come up with answers or a deflection scheme.

Only I don’t want to skate around the truth with them.

Our dynamic is built on trust and I’m keeping too many secrets. Before, it didn’t matter. But after last night, it might.

My dreams were a mess, too. Vivid and violent. I’m regressing and they can see it, even if they don’t realize that’s what’s going on. With my head down, I quietly descend the stairs in a walk of shame.

Vault sees me first. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” I slide onto a breakfast bar stool and rub my temples.

Knox glances at me from the stove. “How do you feel?”

“My head is banging. Everything hurts.”

Two aspirins appear, along with a glass of water. Guess they were anticipating this.

As I wait for the pills and caffeine to kick in, the rest of the night pieces together. “Max Born,” I think out loud. “Did we have a conversation about wave function last night, or did I dream that?”

Knox grins, flipping an egg. “You went from talking about quantum harmonic oscillators to how you want to go to the beach.”

“Wow. What else did I talk about?”

“You really don’t remember?” Vault leans onthe counter with his arms crossed.

I sort of remember, but don’t want to say more than I should. Oh god, what if I told them I was madly in love with them last night? A drunk confession like that would be horrible. They either wouldn’t believe me, or worse… they would believe me and don’t feel the same way. It’s better to interrogate them instead of ratting myself out.

“You discussed alien dick,” Knox says, plating our breakfasts.

“Oh yeah.” Relief hits my bloodstream. “I listened to one of the audiobooks you gave me.” I’d done that as a last-ditch attempt to escape my horrible day, and when it didn’t work, I moved onto a second glass of wine, then another… then the rest. More pieces of the night come together. I feel like I’m solving a calculus equation. “I was just finishing it up when you guys showed up. I don’t think I heard you for a while since you…”

The backdoor. The knife.

Oh no.

They’re both staring at me, waiting for me to say more.

“I umm…” If I tell them everything, I’m putting myself in jeopardy. But if I don’t say something to someone, I’m going to drive myself insane. My paranoia has been off the charts over the past few months, and it’s bound to get worse. If that happens, I won’t be any good to them in our dynamic. I’ll likely run and never look back.

Again.

“I’ve um…” Staring at my coffee, I hold it with both hands, letting it warm my fingers. I’m suddenly freezing. “I guess you probably think I’m a little overboard with all the locks and stuff around here.”

They don’t respond and I don’t have the confidence to look at them.

“I had a bad experience once. It’s made me extra diligent.”

“Diligent is good,” Vault says with ease. “We like diligent.”

Knox sets my eggs benedict in front of me. “Welovediligent,” he presses, making me inwardly cringe at the L word. Is that a clue of some kind? Did I drunkenly confess my love to them last night, and he’s testing out my boundaries today?

Am I overthinking this too much?

Goddamnit, this aspirin needs to kick in faster. I’m at the end of my fucking rope.

“This neighborhood is safe. It’s why I chose it. But…” I look up at them. “There have been times lately when I feel like I’m being watched.”

They both stiffen.

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