Page 89 of Sunrise

His hands ball into fists at his side. At least he loves me enough to feel anger on my behalf. It makes me continue to over share my dilemma.

“I’m also having a hard time dealing with some past trauma that’s decided to rear its ugly head out of the blue.”

I realize he’s right to be concerned. Ryker’s number one priority is our safety and knowing all the factors in play is necessary. Kinks are experimental, as are scenes. There are variables to consider, outcomes you wish to reach, and it’s done in a controlled environment. The science behind it is what first lured me into this lifestyle. To skip any step may bring an undesirable outcome.

But all because I’m working through something at the same time my guys are, doesn’t mean we’re in danger. I’ll do anything for Vault and Knox. And if I want a chance to make them fall in love with me, I have to work through my demons, too. They won’t want a broken girl. Not when they’re healed and whole together.

Where do you belong?Ryker’s question the other day strangles me as I stand in his office, raw and exposed. I don’t know where I belong anymore. I only know where Iwantto belong.

Is that enough for now?

“I just want to have some control, in a safe space, with someone I trust.” Blowing out an exasperated breath, I wait for him to shoot me down. The silence stretches for exactly seventeen seconds. It feels like a fucking lifetime.

“Tread carefully, Soph.”

“I’d never hurt them. You have to know that.”

“I know you would never mean to hurt them. But those two? All they know is pain between each other. It’s not pretty.”

“I understand.”

“Do you? Because Knox doesn’t hide his pain. He lives in it. His agony is as natural as breathing to him.”

My heart clatters to the floor. “I would never hurt him. Neither would Vault.”

I must say the wrong thing because he doesn’t look happy. It makes me feel sick. Just when I’m about to back out of this whole thing, he blows out a frustrated breath. “You have the entire club until opening time,” he says cautiously. “After the members enter, you must proceed like it’s a normal night at the Monarch.”

That’s code for: I’m a performer and will be on duty during working hours. “Okay.”

“You will be monitored.”

“Of course.”

The tightness in my chest slightly eases. All rooms, halls, and even the elevators are under constant surveillance. It’s why I love it so much here. I’m safe. Always. And I’m glad D and Ry will be watching us. I want them to see. I want them to understand how much Knox and Vault mean to me.

“Thank you.” I’m practically floating off the floor, heading to the door so I can get back to my guys.

“Soph.”

I turn around. “Yeah?”

“You know you can come to any of us with a problem, right?”

“Yes, of course.” I flash a smile that feels as fake as it probably looks. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a roughpatch.”

“If you’re in danger, we need to know.”

“It’s just old memories haunting me, Mr. Hudson. I’ll be fine once my head is cleared.”

Yanking the door open, I run smack into Dmitri. The big man looks ready to fuck someone up. “Who did this to you?”

Great. “No one’s done anything to me, D.”

“You’ve never asked for this kind of favor before. If you seek subspace for yourself, there are other ways.”

“It’s not just about me. It’s for Vault and Knox, too.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

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