Page 98 of Sunrise

She pulls off and in a gentle tone says, “Talk to us.”

“I’m too floaty. I can’t keep up.”

“You don’t have to keep up,” Knox explains from beside her. “Just enjoy the float, Alex.”

They keep using my real name. I… I don’t know why it’s so confusing. “I don’t know how to float.”

“I’ve got you.” Knox slowly crawls up my body. Can he see how scared I am? Does he understand why? Because I sure as hell don’t. He holds my throat with a soft grip. “I’m at the bottom, remember?”

Then he kisses me slowly, softly.

Torn between flight or fight, I force myself to float. I try to let go. Unplug. Dosomethingthat will make us all happy.

Sophie starts sucking me off again and I grow hard in her mouth. The sensations of the two of them on me at the same time are overwhelming. I feel sick and giddy. Overstimulated and numb. I’m splitting in half.

“Red.”

They back off instantly, and my failure makes me want to scream. “I’m sorry, I just… let me get my head on straight before we continue.”

“No.” Knox tugs my arm, lifting me until I’m sitting and facing him. “You’re not recalculating or rebooting or doing whatever the fuck your robotic mind has been programmed to do. You’re going to let go for once and be human.”

I shake my head.

“Yes, Alex.” He swipes his hair out of his face. “You need to feel everything. No more soundproofrooms. No more being a machine.”

“I just need a breather!” I yell.

“Air. Doesn’t. Matter.” Knox points at the camera in the corner. “The consequences do not matter.” He hits himself in the chest. “Tomorrow does not matter.” His brow furrows like he’s so fed up with me already and it makes me mad because… can’t he see how hard I’m trying? “Be in the moment. For once in your fucking life, Alex, be in the goddamn moment and let yourself go!”

I was wrong. Knox isn’t the landmine.

I am, and my next move blows us to smithereens.

Chapter 31

Knox

Fuck. This.

I tackle Alex and pin him to the bed like we’re two starved wolves fighting over the same meal. His eyes widen with shock a second before he explodes into a ball of chaos and fury.

We wrestle across the bed, fall off, and slam to the floor. We punch, hit, and kick one another. At one point, I bite his shoulder, and he screams.

Alex needs this. He needs to fight his demons. If I have to dress like one of them so he takes the first swing, so be it.

I flip him onto his back and pin his arms down. He head-butts me. An echo cracks in my skull as stars burst in my eyes. They tear up, making his scrunched-up face blurry. Alex kicks and jerks under me, screaming a bunch of unintelligible words.

“That’s it, fight!” It’s a struggle to keep him pinned down. “Fuckingfeelit, Alex. All that anger didn’t vanish, did it? One fire didn’t fix you. Do you know why?”

He slips one arm out of my grip.

“Because you’re not broken!”

Wham! He clocks me in the jaw.

I laugh it off because what else can I do? I askedfor this. I’ve craved it for forever.

“Feel your anger, your pain, your hate.”

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