Page 27 of You Deserve Good Things

“Take all the time you need,” I said. “Just know . . . I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

I leaned down, close enough to smell the soft vanilla she always wore, and whispered in her ear, “You’ve always been mine, Yaya. That ain’t ever changed.”

She sucked in a breath, eyes wide, heart beating wild in her chest like it wanted to leap out and follow me.

And I let her sit there with that. Because for the first time in four years, she was gon’ have to come to me. On her own time. With her whole heart. And when she did? I’d be ready.

Because I wasn’t just a man in love; I was a man with a plan.

Confronting the Past

I spent years avoiding it.Drowning it out with liquor, with late nights, with women I didn’t even bother learning the names of. I told myself what happened to Silas wasn’t my fault. Told myself that if I said it enough times, I might actually believe it. But the truth? The truth had been haunting me since the night we put him in the ground. And I had been running from it ever since. We were supposed to go meet up with Keem’s scarface-ass together. I missed his phone call, got there late, and witnessed everything from the shadows. I cringe every time I think about how I actually froze in fear, in shock. Everything happened so damn fast.

New Orleans had been the same since he died. Same streets. Same people. Same ghosts. I still couldn’t walk past the spot where it happened without hearing the gunshots in my head. Without hearing Shaniya’s screams. Without remembering how Jacory had to hold me back from spinning the block and killing every nigga in sight.

I was ready to die that night. Ready to go out behind my brother. But Jacory stopped me. He told me it wasn’t worth it. Told me we had to be smarter. And ever since then? I was stuck in this limbo between wanting revenge and knowing that revenge wouldn’t bring him back.

I met Daniale when I came out to Houston to visit Jacory. First time I saw her? She was talking shit to some dude outside the bar, reading him for filth, while I noticed my sister Shaniya trying to drag her away.

I remember thinking damn, she is dangerous. And I liked that. We started seeing each other after that. But it wasn’t what people thought. I wasn’t tryna cuff her. And she damn sure wasn’t tryna be cuffed. At least, that was what we told ourselves. But somehow, we kept ending up together.

Talkin’ shit. Drinking. Doing other things we both pretended didn’t mean nothing.

Until one night, she hit me with some shit I wasn’t ready for.

“You still blaming yourself for Silas, huh?”

I froze mid-pour, the Henny in my glass damn near spilling over.

I looked up, my jaw tight. “The fuck you talking about?”

She leaned back on the couch, crossing her arms. “You heard me.”

I clenched my teeth. “I ain’t got nothing to say about that.”

She scoffed. “That’s ’cause you are too busy lying to yourself to actually face it.”

I exhaled, rubbing a hand down my face.

I didn’t wanna do this. Not tonight. Not with her.

“Look, Dani.” I sighed. “I ain’t tryna have this conversation, ma.”

“Then what conversation you tryna have, Chase?” she shot back, brows raising. “’Cause I ain’t gon’ sit here and act like you don’t carry that man’s death like it was your bullets that killed him.”

My stomach turned. I looked away. She leaned forward, her voice softer now.

“Have you ever actually talked about it?” she asked. “Or do you just let it sit in your chest and eat you alive?”

I let out a short laugh, but it was empty. “Talk about it? To who?”

She shrugged. “To me.”

I shook my head. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“’Cause you have been running from this shit for four years, Chase. Maybe it’s time you stop.”

I clenched my fists. I felt the anger boiling up, but I didn’t let it spill over. Not at her. She didn’t deserve that.

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