Page 25 of Love in Tune

Nell placed her coffee cup down in its saucer. ‘Well, he’s quite good looking actually,’ she said, nodding slowly in a way that made Honey instantly suspicious.

‘You don’t sound very sure,’ she said.

‘No, he is … in a kind of old-fashioned way,’ Nell seemed to choose her words with care. ‘I mean, granted, he’s no Bublé, but he has, umm … good hair, and he laughs a lot. You need a man who can make you laugh, Honey.’ Nell nodded a little too vigorously for Honey’s liking.

‘So, when am I supposed to be meeting him?’

Nell studied her fingernails. ‘The thing is, Hon, he’s not much of a pub person, so I kind of said you’d cook for him.’ The end of Nell’s sentence came out twice as quickly as the beginning, as if Nell hoped it might go unnoticed if she said it really quickly.

‘Nell!’ Tash said. ‘You know that’s a bad idea.’

Relieved to have her friend’s support, Honey nodded. ‘No way. I can’t have a stranger into my house, Nell! It’s blind date rule number one, meet in a well-lit, neutral place.’

‘I wasn’t thinking about that,’ Tash said, frowning at Nell. ‘You know she can’t cook; she’ll probably poison him before he can get anywhere close to showing her his finger skills.’

‘Well, I suggested his house first, but he said his mother would be home.’

‘He still lives with his mother?’ Honey said, glancing at her watch to see if it was too early for a real drink. Nope, still eleven thirty in the morning. Every few weeks the three women met for Saturday brunch in their favourite café, but this week Honey was enjoying it a lot less than usual thanks to the current subject matter. Every aspect of her life seemed to be more stressful than usual at the moment; her job was under threat, her friends were pimping her out to strange men based on a ridiculous premise, and her home had been invaded by her abusive and reclusive neighbour. Was it any wonder she was considering asking for a double shot of rum in her coffee?

‘He’s coming over to yours on Friday night,’ Nell said, ignoring Honey’s question and refusing to look sorry. ‘Just make spaghetti or something. He’s nice, Honey. I’ve met him quite a few times now, and he’s really good with the kids so he must be a decent guy.’

Tash broke up a huge cookie and stuck a wedge on each of their saucers. ‘You’ve nothing to lose, Honey-bee.’

‘Just a whole Friday evening and potentially my life, if he turns out to be an axe murderer.’

‘Axe murderers don’t usually live with their mothers,’ Nell said.

‘Norman Bates?’ Honey said, after a moment’s thought.

Tash made stabbing motions in the air over the table. ‘Just don’t let him follow you into the bathroom.’

Honey shook her head. ‘Tell him it’s off, Nell. I mean it.’

‘I can’t,’ Nell said. ‘I’m off work on Monday so I won’t see him.’

‘Long weekend, Nellie?’ Tash said. ‘Lucky you.’

‘It was Simon’s idea, actually,’ Nell said. ‘We don’t really get much day time together; we’re both always knackered with work and then with Ava at the weekends. It’s sort of an us day. Ava’s going to Simon’s parents as usual.’

Honey and Tash nodded slowly.

‘Ayouday,’ Honey mused.

‘And did he suggest that before or after he saw your new underwear?’ Tash laughed. Nell huffed, pink cheeked, and then laughed too.

‘After.’

She sipped her drink demurely, clearly bursting to say more. ‘Oh my God! Girls, he was …’ Nell paused and searched for the right words. ‘Well, let’s just say he was impressed.’

‘Good on you, Nell,’ Honey smiled.

‘Good on Simon, more like!’ Tash said. ‘So what’s the plan for Monday?’

Nell’s eyes sparkled. ‘That’s just it. I don’t even know! He just told me to book the day off but still take Ava to his parents as normal. He was so … so masterful!’ Her voice practically quivered, making Honey wonder how the usually mild-mannered Simon had morphed himself into Heathcliff behind closed doors over recent weeks.

‘And has he presented you with any new sex toys over breakfast this week?’ Tash asked.

Nell swallowed and shook her head. ‘No. But girls, I have to tell you, that vibrator …’ She lowered her voice and glanced from side to side to make sure no one overheard the local primary teacher discussing sex aids, and then leaned in towards Honey. ‘You should have bought one when we were in that store, Honey,’ she murmured. ‘I don’t actually think you’d have any choice but to orgasm. Seriously.’ Her big round eyes glittered.

---